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The Bard of Banff
Trump Tarriffs


Trump Tarriffs (Original Doric version).

Dear Mr Trump,
I’m writin’ tae be a grump,
I see ye hiv some tariffs,
‘at ye’d like tae make,
An’ pit ‘em on oor Scotch whisky,
Come on min, gi’e us a break!

If ye pit tariffs on oor whisky,
Ye’ll be makin’ a big, big mistake,
Fer I’ll stop buying yer stuff,
See how it escalates!

There are millions o’ Americans,
Hard workin’ men, Jist like yersel’,
Millions wi Scots descent,
Fa enjoy a dram as well.

Scotch Whisky is already taxed enough,
There’s nae pint in taxin’ it onymare,
Onywye, it’s only Americans ye’ll be taxin’,
Dinna be too greedy, it’s time tae play fair.

Come on an’ pit on yer business heid,
‘Think Big’, ye canna tax a freen,
Freen’s need a’ o’ yer support,
Tarriffs, we’ll hae neen.

So, dear Donald,
I hope ye’ve hid a nice day,
An’ I hope ye hiv a very nice evenin’,
Fa’n ye sit yersel’ doon, wi a wee dram fae ‘e Spey!

Bard of Banff.
10th July 2019.

Trump Tarriffs (English translation version).

Dear Mr Trump,
I’m writing to be a grump,
I see you have some tariffs,
That you’d like to make,
And put them on our Scotch whisky,
Come on man, give us a break!

If you put tariffs on our whisky,
You’ll be making a big, big mistake,
For I’ll stop buying your stuff,
See how it escalates!

There are millions of Americans,
Hard working men, Just like yourself,
Millions with Scots descent,
Who enjoy a dram as well.

Scotch Whisky is already taxed enough,
There’s no point in taxing it anymore,
Anyway, it’s only Americans you’ll be taxing,
Don’t be too greedy, it’s time to play fair.

Come on and put on your business head,
‘Think Big’, you can’t tax a friend,
Friend’s need all of your support,
Tarriffs, we’ll have none.

So, dear Donald,
I hope you’ve had a nice day,
And I hope you have a very nice evening,
When you sit yourself down, with a wee dram from the Spey!

You may not be keen to have a dram, however my great-grandfather, Corporal Peter Bain, had a wee dram every night, and he lived to 93-years, he said it kept his blood thin.

Bard of Banff.
10th July 2019.


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