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The Anecdotage of Glasgow
A Glasgow suburban bellman's homeopathic cure

JOHN WILSON was the bellman of a certain village not far from Glasgow, and not over sober in his habits. One Saturday evening he happened to get rather much of the barleybree, and left his house early the next morning to be out of the way of Bell, his wife,

"Whose tongue," he said, "neer lay still, but was aye wag, wagging."

Bell gave him only a short screed on Saturday evening, deferring her long lecture till the next morning; but behold, when she awoke, John was gone! However, she quickly put on her clothes and went straight to the steeple, where she found John, it being his constant place of resort on Sunday mornings. John heard her lecture with patience for some time, but seeing there was no sign of an end to her clattering, he commenced ringing the bell with such a tremendous fury that it put the whole village in an uproar. A great concourse of the villagers having come to the church, whence the sound proceeded, asked John why he had rung the bell so loud and so early.

"Ill tell ye the truth," said John, "I tried if the tongue o the kirk bell would drown the sound o the lang tongue o my ain Bell; besides, I thought that some o ye might like to hear a morning lecture."

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