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The Anecdotage of Glasgow
Hawkie's lost watch, and "Quack Moat's" pills

HAWKIE either lost or had the misfortune to have an old— fashioned silver watch stolen from his fob, and he was lamenting over it the following morning, giving this soliloquy:

"May the evening’s diversion
Prove the morning’s derision."

But, he added, in the words of a distinguished statesman of the day:

"Our judgments, like our watches, none
Go just alike; but each believes his own."

however, Hawkie could easily go from the sublime to the ridiculous at any time; and while he was thus lamenting the loss of his watch in these dignified strains, he saw a notorious quack, of the name of Moat, dashing through the streets in a splendid equipage. This quack, like many others, pretended to be from the British College of Health, and that his quack pills (of gamboge and aloes), which he sold in great quantities in Glasgow and other places, could cure all diseases incident to the human frame. Hawkie took a tremendous grudge against this quack, and reviled him, perhaps properly enough., on every occasion. In that instance he turned the laugh on him by telling, with the gravest face, the following story :— "You see, my friends, there was a simple loon in the country who lost his cuddy ass. He went to the quack in his grand country house at Govan, told him his misfortune, and asked him if by his infallible means he could restore or tell him where to find his cuddy.

"‘Oh yes,’ said the quack, and he gave him twelve pills for a shilling, and told him to ‘take them at night and he would find his ass next day.’ The sumph took the pills, and going in quest of his ass next morning, was constrained by the quack’s art to leap over a hedge, where he espied his ass, which he recovered, and this was regarded to be an infallible proof of the quack’s skill.

"Now," said Hawkie, "without being either a believer or follower of Quack Moat, it’s just possible that I may tumble in with my watch, or recover the article in a sound, sober state, either in the New Wynd, or down yonder at the Spoutmouth."

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