Mo Hawg - Week 9

Day 1.

One of Mo’s good friends, Ron Lampman, sent in some things for this column! Thanks, Ron!
   Ron wrote: “At Heathrow Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement.
   He is being charged with carrying weapons of math destruction!”
   If you have material for Mo, you may email: jennifer.terry@gaflnews.com Jennifer will forward to Mo Hawg!

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
Thanks, Steve!
   A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Day 2.

   We thank Ron Lampman for today’s column!
   Ron said that Buford walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Buford said, “Shingles.”
   The nurse took his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
   Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, “Shingles.”
   The nurse’s aide took down his weight, height, a complete medical history and told our Buford to wait in the examining room.
   Half an hour later a nurse came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, “Shingles.”
   She gave Buford a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram; told Buford to take all of his clothes and wait for the doctor.
   An hour later, the doctor came in and asked Buford what he had.
   Buford said, “Shingles.”
   “Shingles?” the doctor said. “Where?”
   Buford said, “Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?”

Day 3.

   Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
   Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
   Oink!

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
Thanks, Steve!
   What’s the definition of a will?
   Answer: A dead giveaway.

   Mo’s friend, Jim Walters from Texas, sent along some wonderful quotes by the late Will Rogers for us to enjoy again.
   Mr. Rogers said about getting older, “Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.”

Day 4.

   Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
   Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the “less of the two weevils.”
   Oink!

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
Thanks, Steve!
   Time flies like an arrow.   Fruit flies like a banana.

   Mo’s friend, Jim Walters from Texas, sent along some wonderful quotes by the late Will Rogers for us to enjoy again.
   Mr. Rogers said about getting older, “The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.”

Day 5.

    Today’s Pun by R. Lampman: (Some of these I suspect Ron GOT from old Mo Hawg columns…but they are good (or bad) enough to revisit!)
   Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit fire to the craft, it sank…proving once again you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too!

   Steve Kelley sent some wonderful “one-line” puns!
Thanks, Steve!
   A backwards poet writes inverse.

    Mo’s friend, Jim Walters from Texas, sent along some wonderful quotes by the late Will Rogers for us to enjoy again.
   Mr. Rogers said about getting older, “Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.”