| Day 1.
Mo’s been
lurking (Mo loves to lurk!) at the courtroom in Colquitt County! Here are
things actually overheard:
Question: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Answer: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Whenever Bubba does minor work on the car, he invites his six-year-old
grandson, Little Bubba, to help.
One
day, Little Bubba’s dad asked him, “What does your Grandpa pay you for all
that help fixing his car that you do?”
Hands on hips, Little Bubba looked his dad in the eye and replied, “Why
Grandpa pays me attention!”
Day
2.
Mo’s been lurking (Mo loves to lurk!) at the courtroom in Colquitt
County! Here are things actually overheard:
Question: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Answer: Yes.
Question: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Answer: I forget.
Question: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve
forgotten?
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earthshaking ideas.
Mo’s Wisdom: There are three ways to get something done. Do it yourself.
Employ someone to do it. Forbid your children to do it.
Day
3.
Mo’s been lurking (Mo loves to lurk!) at the courtroom in Colquitt
County! Here are things actually overheard:
Question: How old is your son – the one living with you?
Answer: Thirty-eight or thirty-five. I can’t remember which.
Question: How long has he lived with you?
Answer: Forty-five years.
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know.”
Mo’s Wisdom: The best security blanket a child can have is parents who
respect each other.
More Mo’s Wisdom: Swing hard in case they throw the ball where you’re
swinging!
Day
4.
Mo’s been lurking (Mo loves to lurk!) at the courtroom in Colquitt
County! Here are things actually overheard:
Question: Now Dr. ______, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Mo’s How to Speak English Properly Lesson for Today: (These are jokes,
folks!) If you’re heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
What you really learn in college! Quarters are worth their weight in
gold. There are three basic options to school – study, sleep or party –
but only two can be performed successfully during any given semester.
Instant noodles are their own food group. You can always use more
shelves. Most of what Mom and Dad said really does make sense. Duct tape
is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side and it holds the
universe together.
Day
5.
Two
Colquitt County youngsters picked hundreds of pecans in the woods and
stopped at Sunset Cemetery to divide them. As one of the boys was
counting, “One for you and one for me,” two nuts rolled out underneath the
fence. At the same time, a young man walked by heard the boys talking and
raced back to The Sportsman in town, terrified.
“What’s the matter?” asked one of the Coffee Club.
“The Lord and the devil are dividing the souls in the cemetery!” the young
fellow shouted.
“I
don’t believe it,” said the Coffee Club member.
“Come and listen for yourself,” the young man invited.
Stealthily approaching the graveyard, the two men heard a voice saying,
“One for you and one for me.”
“There,” piped up the other voice. “Now we’re finished, except for those
two nuts outside the fence. Let’s divide those and we’ll be even.”
The
Coffee Club member beat the young man back to town! |
