Electric Scotland's Webboard Banter Conference
Old Age

Subject: Benefits of growing older...

1. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
2. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
3. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
5. People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
6. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
7. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
8. Things you buy now won't wear out.
9. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
10. You can eat dinner at 4:00
11. You can live without a lot of frills but not without glasses.
12. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
13. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
14. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
15. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
16. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
17. You got cable for the weather channel.
18. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
19. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
20. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
21. You send money to PBS.
22. You sing along with the elevator music.
23. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
24. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
25. Your back goes out more than you do.
26. Your ears are hairier than your head.
27. Your eyes won't get much worse.
28. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
29. Your joints are more accurate than the Weather Channel.
30. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
31. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Jim

Elizabeth Green responded with...

TRUTH IN 13 WORDS:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering 'What the XXXX happened?'

Charles McKeever responded with...

An observation I've made with no help from anyone but just based on my life.. the older I get the faster the train runs and the more down hill it seems to go.. I'm sure many of you have noticed that you can remember what happened 20 years ago better than you can remember what happened 2 weeks ago...or maybe its just me.. or genetic according to my dad who will soon be 89...I think this comes under what Lurose keeps calling a senior moment.. I spent almost an hour looking for my reading glasses until I passed by a mirror and saw they were clipped onto my shirt.. Talk about feeling dumb...or sometimes entering a room and forgetting why I came into the room.. so I go back out and come back , hoping that will jar my memory.. I've reached the point that being forgetful is a way of life.. and I don't know about you others but I find it forgetful, especially since at one time, I could remember everything seemingly...and now all I remember are facts that are worthless.. example...thirty years ago I lived in San Antonio, Texas.. I not only can tell you my street address but my phone number.. but I can't remember where I left my billfold the last time I changed clothes..
Soli Dee Glori... as always.. Chaz