|Nansi Coe posted this
Saddam Hussein was sitting
in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.
Hussein," a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Paddy down
in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are
officially declaring war on you!"
Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is
"At this moment in
time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire
dominoes team from the pub
-- that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I
must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move
on my command."
Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day
Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have
managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment
would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have 2
combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm.
"Once more Saddam
sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14
thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and
a half million since we last spoke."
Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy rang
again the next day.
"Right Mr. Hussein,
the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
modified Ted's ultra-light with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and
the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a
minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand
bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is
surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we
last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!",
said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back.
"Sure enough, Paddy
called again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell
you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear
that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed 2