DING DONG DOLLAR
(Tune: Ye canny shove yuir Granny aff a bus.  Words: John Mack)

Chorus:
O, ye canny spend a dollar when ye're deid
O, ye canny spend a dollar when ye're deid
Singing Ding Dong Dollar, everybody hollar;
Ye canny spend a dollar when ye're deid.

Now when the Yankees they drappt anchor at Dunoon,
Sure they got a civic welcome frae the toon,
As they cam up the measured mile
Bonnie Mary o' Argyll
Wis wearin spangled drawers ablow her goon.

O, the Clyde is sure tae prosper noo they're here,
For they's chargin wan an tenpence for a beer,
Ay, an when they want a taxi,
They shove it up their jersey
An charge them thirty bob tae Sandbank Pier.

An the publicans will as be daein swell,
For it's juist the thing that's shair tae ring the bell,
O, the dollars they will jingle,
They'll be no a lassie single,
Even though they mebbe blaw us aa tae hell.

But the Glesga Moderator didnae mind,
In fact, he thinks the Yanks are awfy kind,
For if it's heaven that ye're going,
It's quicker wey than rowin
An there's shair tae be naebody left behind.