THE MISGUIDED MISSILE AND THE MISGUIDED MISS
John Smith

The maid was young and pretty
And she came down from the City
And maybe twas a pity
That she left old Glesca Toun.
She met a son of Uncle Sammy
From the heart of Alabamy,
He had never left his mammy
Till he came ower tae Dunoon.

Chorus:
So while you wet your whistle,
whistle,
I'll sing you this,
O the misguided missle
And the misguided miss.

In his wee bit sailor suitie - och !
He looked so brave and smart
At the Battle o the Holy Loch
He won a Purple Heart,
And nou that he's been overseas
Six medals and five stars ; 
For drinking Johnnie Walker
He's collecting extra bars : ( &c )

He said he'd like to thank her
For those moments by the shore,
Said his daddy was a banker
So she loved him more and more ;
You could see he was a ranker
By the rings upon his sleeve,
She wanted rings upon her fingers
But he was just on leave : ( &c )

He had some Scotch and scoosh
Then he went back aboard ;
He turned his key - then whoosh !
And o Lawdy Lawd !
He said ; "I'm so embarrassed,
We'll no be goin to Paris,
For I've launched the first Polasis
Through bein a drunken clod." ( &c )

Now there's an awfu fuss
Abroad the Proteus,
And the maid is on the shore
By the point o Lazarus,
And she's singing "Hush a baba,
You will see your daddy soon,
When the clouds all roll away,
For he's the first Yank on the moon."

Footnote - It was Spring 1961 when Proteus sailed up the Clyde with her Polaris missiles and sparked off a wave of demonstrations and songs, including above, which were to make headlines all over the world in the months ahead. You will find the best known song from the period DING DONG DOLLAR in the Rebel Ceilidh Song Book.