Unsolicited Testimonial

John was a Fifer, and a golfer, and a good one at that. But he never lost an opportunity of impressing upon others the excellence of his own play. He was playing an important tie and the game had reached the turn. He was being passed on an adjoining fairway by a local rival who crossed over to hear what John had to contend with.

   "Whit kind o a pleyer are ye up agin the day John?" he asked.

   "O he's a great pleyer this" replied John at once.

   "Whit like's his drivin?" continued the inquirer.

   "Doun the middle ilka time" John assured him "an nearly out o sicht."

   "Whit about his irons then?" came the next question.

   "Deid on the pin ilka time" was the reply "he's deidly richt eneuch. Nivver a mistake!"

   "Weill then" said the other, after receiving similiar glowing accounts of his short game, but looking for some flaw in the play of this paragon "he'll be weak on the greens?"

   "No him!" John countered at once "he strokes them in frae aw angles. Whit a pleyer! Whit a putter!"

With such an account of his opponent's play it only remained for John's rival to raise the delicate question of the state of the game.

   "An hou monie are ye doun then, John?" came the final question with a touch of satisfaction in the smile.

   "Doun!" exclaimed John as he moved away. "A'm no doun ava. A'm twa up!"