|
Top Boots, as everybody
must have remarked, are now [1833] nearly altogether out of fashion.
Their race is all but extinct. An occasional pair may indeed still be
seen encasing the brawny legs of a stout elderly country gentleman on a
market day, or on the occasion of a flying visit to the metropolis; but
with this exception, and with probably that of some hale obstinate
bachelor octogenarian, who, in full recollection of the impression which
his top boots had made on the public mind some fifty years since, still
persists in thrusting his shrivelled shanks into the boots of his youth
;—we say, with the first positive, and the last probable exception, this
highly respectable-looking, and somewhat flashy, article of dress has
entirely disappeared.
Time was, however, and we recollect it well, when matters stood far
otherwise with top boots. We have a distinct vision of numberless pairs
Hitting before our eyes, through the mazes of the various thoroughfares
of the city; but, alas ! they have vanished, one after another, like
stars before the light of approaching day. Rest to their ‘soles’ - they
are now gathered to their fathers—their brightness is extinguished—their
glory is gone. The Conqueror of Waterloo hath conquered them also. The
top boots have fallen before the Wellingtons!
We have said that we recollect when it was otherwise with top boots, and
so we do. We recollect when a pair of top boots was a great object of
ambition with the young, whose worldly prosperity was all yet to
come—whose means of indulging in such little vanities of the flesh were
yet to be acquired. To them a pair of top boots was a sort of land-mark
in the voyage of life; a palpable, prominent, and desirable object to be
attained; a sort of Cape Horn to be doubled. Nor were they less objects
of ambition at the time we speak of—say about 40 years since—to the more
advanced, whose circumstances required a long previous hint to prepare
for such an event as the purchase of a pair of top boots. In short, top
boots were the rage of the day. The apprentice, the moment he got "out"
of his time, got "into" his top boots. The first thing the young grocer
did was to get a pair of top boots. No lover then went to woo his
mistress but in top boots, or at least if he did, the chance was, that
he would go to very little purpose. The buckishly-inclined mechanic,
too, hoarded his superfluous earnings until they reached the height of a
pair of top boots, in which to entomb his lower limbs. Although their
visits now, as we have already hinted, are "few and far between," we
have seen the day when, instead of being but occasionally seen, like
solitary points of light as they are now, on the dusky street, they
converted it by their numbers into an absolute ‘via lactea’,—a perfect
galaxy of white leather,—or shot, frequent, pale, and flitting, like
northern streamers, through the dark tide of humanity as it strolled
along.
No marvel is it, therefore, that, in the midst of the wide prevalence of
this top boot epidemic, poor Tommy Aikin should have fallen a victim to
the disease—that his heart should have been set upon a pair of top
boots; nor is it a marvel that Mr Aikin should have been able finally to
gratify this longing of his, seeing that he was in tolerable
circumstances, or at least in such circumstances as enabled him, by
retrenching a little somewhere else, to attain the great object of his
ambition —a pair of top boots. No marvel, then, as we have said, are
these things which we have related of Mr Aikin; but great marvel is it
that a pair of top boots should have wrought any man such mischief, as
we shall presently show they did to that honest man. But let us not
anticipate. Let us, as has been before wisely said, begin at the
beginning, and say who Mr Aikin was, and what were the evils in which
his top boots involved him.
Be it known, then, to all whom it may concern, that Mr Thomas Aikin was
an officer of Excise, and was, at the period to which our story relates,
residing in a certain small town not more than fifty miles distant from
the city of Glasgow. Mr Aikin was a stout-made middle-aged man,
exceedingly good-natured, kind, civil, and obliging. In short, he was an
excellent fellow, honest and upright in all his dealings, and a faithful
servant of the revenue. Everybody liked Mr Aikin, and Mr Aikin liked
everybody; and sorely did everybody lament his misfortunes when they
fell upon him. Mr Aikin had for many years led a happy life in the bosom
of his family. He laughed and joked away, took his jug of toddy,
caressed his children, spoke always affectionately to and of his wife,
and was so spoken to and of by her in return. In short, Mr Aikin was a
happy man up to that evil hour when he conceived the idea of possessing
himself of a pair of top boots.
"Mary,” said Mr Aikin, one luckless evening, to his loving wife, after
having sat for about half an hour looking into the fire.
"Aweel, Thomas?" said his spouse, in token of her attention.
"I wad like to hae a pair o’ tap boots," replied Mr Aikin, shortly, and
without further preamble, although he had in reality bestowed a good
deal of thought on the subject previously; indeed, a dim undefined
vision of top boots had been floating before his mind’s eye for nearly a
month before it took the distinct shape of such a determination as he
was now about to express.
"Aweel, Thomas," replied his better half with equal brevity, "ye had
better get a pair.”
"They’re decent lookin’ things," rejoined Mr Aikin.
"lndeed are they,” said his indulgent spouse,—"very decent and
respectable, Thomas."
"Rather flashy though, I doubt, for the like o’ me," quoth Mr Aikin.
"I dinna see that, Thomas, sae lang as ye’re able to pay for them,”
remarked Mrs Aikin.
"No so very able, my dear," responded her husband; "but I wad like to
hae a pair for a’ that, just to wear on Sundays and collection days."
"Aweel, Thomas, get them; and what for no?” replied Mrs Aikin, "since
your mind's bent on them. We’ll save the price o’ them aff something
else.”
We need not pursue further the amicable colloquy which took place on
this fatal night between Mr Aikin and his wife. Suffice it to say, that
that night fixed Mr Aikin’s resolution to order a pair of top boots. On
the very next day he was measured for the said boots; and late on the
Saturday evening following, the boots, with their tops carefully
papered, to protect them from injury, were regularly delivered by an
apprentice boy into the hands of Mrs Aikin herself for her husband’s
interest.
As Mr Aikin was not himself in the house when the boots were brought
home, they were placed in a corner of the parlour to await his pleasure;
and certainly nothing could look more harmless or more inoffensive than
did these treacherous boots, as they now stood, with their muffled tops
and shining feet, in the corner of Mr Aikin’s parlour. But alas! alas!
shortsighted mortals that we are, that could not foresee the slightest
portion of the evils with which these rascally boots were fraught ! To
shorten our story as much as possible, we proceed to say that Mr Aikin
at length came home, and being directed to where the boots lay, he
raised them up in one hand, holding a candle in the other; and having
turned them round and round several times, admiring their gloss and fair
proportions, laid them down again with a calm quiet smile of
satisfaction, and retired to bed.
Sunday came, the church bells rang, and Mr Aikin sallied forth in all
the pomp and glory of a pair of spick and span new top boots. With all
Mr Aikin’s good qualities, there was, however,- and we forgot to mention
it before,—a "leetle" touch of personal vanity ; the slightest
imaginable it was, but still such an ingredient did enter into the
composition of his character, and it was this weakness, as philosophers
call it, which made him hold his head at an unwonted height, and throw
out his legs with a flourish, and plant his foot with a firmness and
decision on this particular Sunday, which was quite unusual with him,
or, at least, which had passed unnoticed before. With the exception,
however, of a few passing remarks, in which there was neither much
acrimony nor much novelty, Mr Aikin’s boots were allowed to go to and
from the church in peace and quietness. "Hae ye seen Mr Aikin's tap
boots?” "Faith, Mr Aikin looks weel in his tap boots." "Mr Aikin was
unco grand the day in his tap boots." Such and such like were the only
observations which Mr Aikin’s top boots elicited on the first Sunday of
their appearance. Sunday after Sunday came and departed, and with the
Sundays came also and departed Mr Aikin’s top boots, for he wore them
only on that sacred day, and on collection days, as he himself
originally proposed. Like every other marvel, they at length sank
quietly to rest, becoming so associated and identified with the wearer,
that no one ever thought of discussing them separately. Deceitful calm—
treacherous silence!—it was but the gathering of the storm.
lt so happened that Mr Aikin, in the language of the Excise, surveyed,
that is, ascertained and levied the duties payable by a tanner, or
leather dresser, who carried on his business in the town in which Mr
Aikin resided. Now, the Honourable Board of Excise were in those days
extremely jealous of the fidelity of their officers, and in a spirit of
suspicion of the honour and faith of man peculiar to themselves, readily
listened to every report prejudicial to the character of their servants.
Here, then, was an apparently intimate connection, and of the worst
sort,—a pair of top boots,—between a revenue officer and a trader, a
dresser of leather. Remote and obscure hints of connivance between the
former and the latter began to arise, and in despite of the general
esteem in which Mr Aikin was held, and the high opinion which was
entertained of his worth and integrity, these hints and suspicions—such
is the wickedness and perversity of human nature—gradually gained
ground, until they at length reached the ears of the Board, with the
most absurd aggravations.
Their honours were told, but by whom was never ascertained, that the
most nefarious practices were going on in ——, and to an enormous extent.
Large speculations in contraband leather, on the joint account of the
officer and trader, were talked of; the one sinking his capital, the
other sacrificing the king’s duties. Whole hogsheads of manufactured
boots and shoes were said to be exported to the West Indies, as the
common adventure of the officer and trader. The entire family and
friends of the former, to the tenth degree of propinquity, were said to
have been supplied gratis with boots and shoes for the last ten years.
In short, the whole affair was laid before their honours, the
Commissioners of Excise, decked out in the blackest colours, and so
swollen, distorted, and exaggerated, that no man could have conceived
for a moment that so monstrous a tale of dishonesty and turpitude could
have been manufactured out of a thing so simple as a pair of top boots.
Indeed, how could he? For the boots—the real ground of the vile
fabrication—were never once mentioned, nor in the slightest degree
alluded to; but, as it was, the thing bore a serious aspect, and so
thought the Honourable Board of Excise.
A long and grave consultation was held in the Board-room, and the result
was, an order to the then collector of Excise in Glasgow to make a
strict and immediate inquiry into the circumstances of the case, and to
report thereon ; a measure which was followed up, in a day or two
afterwards, by their honours dispatching two surveying-generals, as they
are called, also to Glasgow, to assist at and superintend the
investigation which the collector had been directed to set on foot. On
the arrival of these officers at Glasgow, they forthwith waited upon the
collector, to ascertain what he had learned regarding Mr Aikin’s
nefarious practices, The result of the consultation, which was here
again held, was a determination, on the part of the generals and the
collector, to proceed to the scene of Mr Aikin’s ignominy, and to
prosecute their inquiries on the spot, as the most likely way of
arriving at a due knowledge of the facts.
Accordingly, two chaises were hired at the expense of the Crown, one for
the two generals, and another for the collector and his clerk-—all this,
good reader, be it remembered, arising from the simple circumstance of
Mr Aikin’s having indulged himself in the luxury of a single solitary
pair. of top boots, —and, moreover, the first pair he ever had. The
gentlemen, having seated themselves in the carriages, were joined, just
before starting, by a friend of the collector’s, on horseback, who,
agreeably to an arrangement he had made with the latter on the preceding
day, now came to ride out with them to the scene of their impending
labours; and thus, though of course he had nothing to do with the
proceedings of the day, he added not a little to the imposing character
of the procession, which was now about to move in the direction of Mr
Aikin's top boots.
An hour and a half’s drive brought the whole cavalcade into the little
town in which the unfortunate owner of the said boots resided; and
little did he think, honest man, as he eyed the procession passing the
windows, marvelling the while what it could mean—little, we say, did he
think that the sole and only object, ‘pro tempore’ at least, of those
who composed it, was to inquire how, and by what means, and from whom,
he had gotten his top boots. Of this fact, however, he was soon made
aware. In less than half an hour he was sent for, and told, for the
first time, of the heavy charges which lay against him. A long, tedious
investigation took place; item after item of poor Aikin’s indictment
melted away beneath the process of inquiry ; until at length the whole
affair resolved itself into the original cause of all the mischief,—the
pair of top boots. Nothing which could in the slightest degree impugn Mr
Aikin’s honesty remained but these unlucky top boots, and for them he
immediately produced his shoemaker’s receipt :—
Mr AIKIN,
Bought of DAVID ANDERSON
One pair of Top Boots, . . £2, 2s
Settled in full,
DAVID ANDERSON
With this finisher the investigation closed, and Mr Aikin stood fully
and honourably acquitted of all the charges brought against him. The
impression, however, which the affair made at head-quarters, was far
from being favourable to him. He was ever after considered there in the
light, not of an innocent man, but as one against whom nothing could be
proven ; and his motions were watched with the utmost vigilance. The
consequence was, that, in less than three months, he was dismissed from
the service of the revenue, ostensibly for some trifling omission of
duty ; but he himself thought, and so did everybody else, that the top
boots were in reality the cause of his misfortune.
One would have thought that this was quite enough of mischief to arise
from one pair of top boots, and so thought everybody but the top boots
themselves, we suppose. This, however, was but a beginning of the
calamities into which they walked with their unfortunate owner. |
