In a
certain small town in the south of Scotland, there
lived, about three years ago, a very respectable tailor,
of the name of John Hetherington—that is to say, John
wore well with the world ; but, like too many of his
craft, he was sorely addicted to cabbaging. Not a coat
could he make, not a pair of trousers could he cut out,
not a waistcoat could he stitch up, but he must have a
patch of this, that, and t’other, were it for no other
purpose but just to serve as a bit of a memorial. One
very warm evening towards the end of August 1826, John
had gone to bed rather earlier than usual, but not
without having laid in a very good share of a very tasty
Welsh rabbit; which said rabbit, being composed of about
a pound of tough cheese, of course furnished the poor
tailor, after he had fairly tumbled over into the land
of Nod, with something of a very curious Welsh-rabbit
vision. It suddenly struck him that this life, with all
its cares and anxieties, was over with him; that the
finishing stitch had been put to the great work of life,
and the thread of his existence cut through. In the
other world, to his misfortune, he found things not
moving so comfortably as he would have wished ; and the
old gentleman with the short horns and the long tail,
rigged out in his best suit of black, was the first
friend he forgathered with after passing the border.
"There’s a fine morning," said the wily old dog; "how do
you find our self after long travel?"
"No that weel,” stammered out the half-dead son of a
goose; "no that weel; and I dinna think, all things
considered, it would benefit me much to be found in such
company, no offence to your reverence,” as he saw his
new friend’s choler rise; "no offence to your reverence,
I trust; but if I may be so bold, I would thank you to
tell me the reason of my being here; and, above all,
who’s to be thankit for the honour of an introduction to
your reverence?"
"That you will know shortly, friend; nay, John
Hetherington, for you see I know you;” and taking a
large parcel from below his left arm, he commenced to
unroll it, and to the astonishment of poor John,
unfolded a long sheet of patchwork, in which were found
scraps of every hue, a web of many colours, all neatly
stitched together; and in the middle, by way of a set
off, a large bit of most excellent blue cloth, which had
been cabbaged that very morning from a prime piece which
he had got into his hands for the purpose of making a
marriage coat for his neighbour the blacksmith.
"Was all this stuff got fairly and honestly, good man?”
said the old gentleman, with a sneer quite worthy of
Beelzebub. "I suppose you will be able to recognise some
of these old bits. What think you now of that piece in
the middle which your eyes are fixed on—cabbaged no
farther back than this morning? Come along, my old boy,
come along; you are a true son of your old father, I
see, and I will furnish you with as warm winter quarters
as you ever enjoyed when you was half-stewed with your
old maiden aunt, at the top of fifteen pair of stairs in
the High Street of Edinburgh, when serving your
apprenticeship with Dick Mouleypouches."
A cold sweat broke over the poor tailor, and he felt as
if he could have sunk snugly into the earth, if it had
only had the goodness to open at that moment for his
especial accommodation, when he saw the long bony arm
stretched out, with its sharp eagle claws, to clutch him
: he made a sharp bolt back, and giving vent to his
feelings in a loud and long howl, which rung horribly in
his ears long after opening his eyes, he found himself
sprawling in the middle of his wooden floor, with all
the bedclothes tumbled above him. It was the first
breaking out of a fine morning : the sun was rising, and
all nature looked fresh and fair; but poor John was at
the point of death with sheer bodily fear and trembling,
so that to get to bed again, and to sleep, would have
been martyrdom; therefore he huddled on his clothes, and
walked out "to snuff the caller air,” and muse over his
wonderful dream. The more he thought of it, the more he
saw the necessity of reforming his mode of life ; and,
before finishing his stroll, he was an altered man, and
had made up his mind never more to cabbage an inch of
cloth ; and, by walking circumspect and just, he trusted
that his past offences might be wiped out, and that the
wonderful web of many colours should no more be brought
up as evidence against him. To make him the more secure
in the event of forgetfulness in the hour of temptation,
his foreman was let into the great secret, and had
orders at all times to rub up his remembrance when there
was any thing good going, which he used to do by the
laconic phrase of "Master, mind the sheet !”
A year passed over, and the terror of the dream being
yet fresh in his memory, John’s transactions were
strictly honest. He could cut out with somewhat more
considerable ease, and had lost a good deal the knack of
cutting out the sly piece at the corner. But, alas! for
the stability of all human resolutions, our friend was
sorely tempted, and how he stood we shall soon see. He
had got to hand a beautiful piece of red cloth, for what
purpose I know not, whether for the coat of a field
officer, or the back of a fox hunter, but a prime piece
of cloth that was ; he turned it over to this side, and
back to that, viewed it in all lights and shades, rubbed
it against the grain, and found it faultless. He had
never seen such line piece of cloth before—scissors had
never before cut such immaculate stuff. He fixed his eye
wistfully on a tempting corner, looked up, and his
foreman John was staring firmly in his face: he had read
his thoughts.
"Master, mind the sheet!” solemnly ejaculated John.
"I’m just swithering, John; I’m just swithering: now
when I mind, there wasna a piece of red cloth in all the
sheet; and mair by token, there was a bit gap at one of
the corners. Now, I’m just thinking, since it maun be
that all these bit odds and ends are to be evidence
against me when I come to the lang count, it would be
better to snick a bit aff the corner here; and that you
see, John, will fill all deficiencies, and mak the
sheet, since it maun appear against me, evidence, John,
without a flaw!”