"No shrine I seek to sects unknown;
Oh, point to me the path of truth!
Thy dread omnipotence I own;
Spare, yet amend, the faults of youth."
—Byron.
"I will arise and go to my father, and will
say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before
thy face, and am no more worthy to be called thy son."
TO describe my feelings at this juncture of
my hitherto useless existence is beyond my power. I remember
having been assailed, for the first time, by a desire to die. I
had heard of people dying by their own hands, but an idea of
this kind, thank God, did not trouble me. I sat alone at the
east end of Leith Links, with seventeen miles between me and my
offended home, shoeless, and partially covered with rags,
discharged as useless from my chosen field of action, and hunger
craving to be appeased by the product of my three-months'
voyage, which was still ensconced deeply in the pocket of my
tarry canvas breeks. What shall I do to obviate swallowing the
bitter pill of facing home? To call on Wright, the scene of
Bonner & Co's ship-owner's scheme, I should be laughed at. My
appearance would shock the refinement of the Davidson family,
that of R. Millar, on the North Bridge, my
mother's cousin. It came to the alternative of the road to the
Nungate or troubling my mother's sister, Mrs. Allan, a widow, a
second thought of whose struggles decided the question.
My involuntary disguise I assisted, on
passing points of the road where I was known, by drawing my
canvas apology for a hat over my shamed face. Weary and footsore
I approached the humble dwelling in the Nungate with fear and
trembling. Self-condemned, like the prodigal son, I was
incapable of estimating the power and elasticity of parental
affection. My sins were as scarlet. How could they be forgiven?
The Nungate, on Tyne's eastern shore,
Sae fraught wi' ancient classic lore,
Its brig o' stane and lime,
That's braved Tyne's rapid rising flood,
And many a shock has firmly stood—
Nae man can tell the time.
This fine old bridge of three arches was so
narrow that two carts could not pass each other, and its Nungate
approach was very little wider than the bridge. In this narrow
street stands the old stone house wherein our little family had
lived for many years; the house which the prodigal feared to
enter. One end of the oblong building was devoted to baking the
staff of life, while the other end, at least the front part of
it, was employed as a shop, the entrance between which (though
chilly) was open. Mustering sufficient courage to slide in I met
my mother in the passage, and asked her for a penny loaf,
holding out my hand, exposing the coin to pay for it. This step
I thought necessary to counteract the supposed influence of my
personal appearance. Unable longer to hold out, in true
Eastlothian vernacular I "grat," and said, "Mither, dae ye nae
ken yer ain son?" My father came instantly ben, and Christ's
beautiful parable was recnacted, followed by mistaken kindness,
which, by dint of rich viands in an impoverished stomach, threw
me into a violent fever, which kept me in bed for the remainder
of the year. On the 20th of January, 1820, the nation was thrown
into mourning by the death of George III, the good-intentioned,
but weak and badly advised king, whose demise was shortly
followed by that of his son, the Duke of Kent, father of the
present queen. My brother lingered a few weeks, and passed away
at the age of nineteen years.
Some eighteen months prior to his death a
tragedy was enacted in which his most intimate friend, Peter
Bowers, was made to act the principal part, and which I think is
worthy of notice in this narrative. Peter was the only son of an
aged lady residing near Dalkeith, and up to this fatal period
his conduct inspired his mother and all his numerous friends
with the most buoyant hopes of his future. He was apprenticed to
Richard Catleugh, millwright and engineer in the Nungate, and
when nearly out of his time he and R. Catleugh, Jr., were sent
to repair the wauk mill of Mr. Weir, at Gifford. When the
repairs were completed Mr. Weir brought out refreshments,
accompanied by a bottle of "Scotland's skaith," as the judge on
the trial called the contents. They all drank freely and got
drunk. On their way home, laden with their tools, the two
staggered on a party of rustics amusing themselves leaping from
the more elevated footpath into the carriageway. Peter
challenged the best of them for twopence. The wager was taken up
by an old plowman of the name of Saunders, in the employ of
Robert Laurie, brother of Sir Peter Laurie, the great saddler,
who subsequently became lord mayor of London. Peter Bowers lost
the wager, and on the stakes being demanded refused to pay on
the score of unfairness. An angry dispute arose, and although no
blows were struck they had recourse to a more dangerous mode of
warfare, that is, "maken a muck-heap," which is accomplished by
getting the objectionable one down and then falling on top of
him. The condition of Peter made him an easy opponent. Prostrate
on the water-table lay the victim, and those heavy plowmen, one
after another, throwing themselves upon him, he became
exasperated to that degree that had his tools been handy the act
he committed, if not deemed justifiable, would have been
morally, if not legally, palliated. But the evidence clearly
elicited the fact of his having traveled from the scene of the
scuffle to the tree under whose branches he had deposited his
tools, lifted his axe, retraced his steps, and, notwithstanding
he foamed with rage, singled out his opponent and knocked his
brains out. The trial was a solemn affair. I took a seat in the
gallery of the court, which was that of the High Court of
Justiciary, Edinburgh. The trial presented a picture such as can
never be erased from my mind. For a graphic description thereof,
the reader must fall back on Scott, in his "Heart of
Midlothian." Up to the period of which I write, there had been
very little change in the severe aspect of the administration of
justice under the Scottish jurisprudence. There were the judges,
five in number, all wigged and ermined, the advocates pro and
con, the barristers, briefed and briefless, the clerks of court,
writers to the signet, sheriff, procurator fiscal, and fifteen
jurymen, sworn to well and truly try the case between our
sovereign lord the king and the prisoner at the bar, all
solemnly assembled to redeem the offended law. Who is charged
with breaking that law? The only son of that broken-hearted
widow who sits weeping at the door, and to complete the awful
scene, between two of the old city guard, in their picturesque
uniform and Lochaber axes, the prisoner is ushered before that
awful tribunal, which possesses the power either to restore him
to the arms of a heart-broken mother in his wonted freedom, or
to doom him to an ignominious death on the scaffold. All eyes
were strained to trace the countenance of that anomalous youth
whose appearance, and the record of whose life, gave the stern
lie to the supposition that he could be guilty of such a crime
of entertaining for one moment what is termed malice prepense.
The brain and respectability of two counties were moved in
his behalf, but sympathy was powerless in the face of the
damning fact that the space between the scene of the homicide
and that of the instrument of destruction used was sufficiently
apart to allow of reflection. So the court opined, and hence the
sable sealed unanimous verdict of an intelligent jury. Peter
Bowers was doomed to die by the hands of the common hangman at
the Tolbooth of Edinburgh on a given day, whereupon the whole
community was aroused in his behalf. From ministers, elders,
judges, teachers, even the lord lieutenant of East Lothian, came
pouring in petitions urging commutation. At length the executive
yielded to an importunity which was unparalleled in the history
of the court, and granted the questionable boon of substituting
transportation for life and branding with the letter M, for the
death penalty. In a letter from Peter two years later he
declared that had the choice been left to him, while thankful
for the kind sympathy of his friends, he would prefer the latter
punishment. He further wrote that it lies beyond the power of
tongue or pen to portray the horrors of transportation to penal
•settlements.
My fever abating, and otherwise convalescent,
I found the London fever assuming the
ascendant in my wayward cranium. I resolved to leave the scene
of my birth forever, and on the 27th of November, 1820, embarked
at Leith on board the Lord Wellington smack as a steerage
passenger. We had a very rough passage of fourteen days'
duration, having twice touched the coast of Norway. At length,
with loss of bowsprit and some sails, and otherwise dilapidated,
we found a haven in Harwich, in Norfolk. Those passengers who
had means, and were impatient of delay, took coach for London.
Among them was an Episcopal minister, upon whose shoulders were
saddled all the disasters of the fourteen days' knocking about
the North Sea by the superstitious crew, some of whom declared
that without doubt a fair wind for the Thames would set in the
moment we were well quit of the Jonah. A captain in the navy and
some ten other cabin passengers joined the parson. Several
remained on board, among whom was an officer in charge of a
Highland female of the name of Ross, who was prisoner in the
forecastle, and who was transported for fourteen years to Van
Dieman's Land. She had for years kept the Rob Roy public house
on the shore of Leith, and was convicted of passing a forged
Bank of England note, with a face promise of ten pounds. She had
wealth and some influence. The exercise of the latter procured
the privilege of taking a favorite grandchild into banishment
with her. During the few hours we were in Harwich it became
painful to witness the wild, unreasonable efforts of this woman
to escape her punishment. She exposed two purses of a hundred
sovereigns each, and offered them all to anyone who could put
her ashore, a proposition made in the sight and hearing of
vigilance personified. The eye and ear of the guardian angel
were ever present at the only hatch or place of exit from her
miserable berth, and therefore any attempt to cheat the Hulks at
such a time and place would be akin to madness. On the morning
of the 11th day of December the seers of the crew were confirmed
in their prognostications on this occasion, for a more beautiful
winter morning never dawned. The wind came in a stiffish breeze
from the north, which had the effect of bringing out the
south-bound fleet, which had been for more than two weeks
accumulating along the coast in shelter, and a grander sight it
never was my lot to behold before nor since. From Harwich harbor
to the Pool at London was one dense forest of masts in danger of
getting foul of each other. We are now above Gravesend, and with
the exception of two unfortunate souls we were happy in the
thought of safely arriving, after a passage of some danger and a
good deal of rough experience. Now the government boat awaits
the arrival of the Wellington to receive the condemned one and
her innocent grandchild, and to place them on board the
detestable Hulks preparatory to a miserable voyage of six
months' duration. We arrive abreast of the floating horror at
Woolwich. The smack lays to, the boat is lashed alongside. A
formal demand is made for the custody of the criminal,
accompanied by papers explanatory of the departure on the part
of the Scottish court. Intense interest was manifested on their
behalf. After the trite farewell expressions a dead silence
ensued, which was painfully affecting. The prisoner had kept her
bunk nearly all the voyage. She was but little known to either
the crew or passengers, who were taken by surprise on beholding
a lady well and tastefully attired in satin, a rich veil
partially concealing a good-looking countenance that might have
seen some forty-three years. The poor thing had donned her best
attire for the occasion, doubtless looked upon as household
gods, but which must, in a few
minutes, be torn rudely from her person and replaced by the
coarse, degrading habiliments of the convict.
"Verily, the way of the transgressor is
hard." The law is very tender of its victims. See with what care
and solicitude the half-hung wretch is recuscitated to fit him
for his second, and it is to be hoped less bungling, execution.
Mrs. Ross was kindly assisted over the gunwail of the
Wellington, her rich dress tenderly adjusted below while
descending the rope ladder into the boat. Just at this juncture
a rich tenor voice, in imitation of the old song, struck up,
"And shall I see your face again, and shall I hear you speak;
I'm down-
right dizzy wi' the thought, in troth I'm
like to greet," and I can assure the reader that as the smack
resumed her course the "greeting" was by no means confined to
the singer. If there was a dry eye in that crowd, mine was too
moist to detect it. The tenor was a Mr. Elliott, a tailor in
Westminster. He was seconded by a fine young soldier returning
from furlough, of the name of McCullough, of the Coldstream
Guards, who by dint of his superior education was relieved of
military duty, and employed all his time in the office of Earl
Fitz Clarence, son of the Duke of Clarence, afterward William
the Fourth, the sailor king. Before Charing Cross was
metamorphosed I had met Mac in the King's Mew's barracks, the
ground whereon stand the National Gallery, Nelson's monument,
and surroundings. At. six p.m. the Lord Wellington was safely
moored at Downie's wharf, Wapping, after a tedious passage of
fourteen days,—now done by rail in about as many hours. Twelve
hours from Harwich, 100 miles, including the delay at Woolwich.
On our arrival a search was made for contraband goods. A bottle
of whisky found in the trunk of a steerage passenger was seized,
and the fellow threatened with a fine. Pleading ignorance of the
excise law the disputants drifted into the office. I went in
with them, and who should follow at our heels but the naval
officer and the minister, who had just arrived by coach from
Harwich. On giving instructions to the clerks relative to their
baggage when the vessel should arrive, they were informed that
the Wellington had been lying at the wharf for the last hour,
which they deemed incredible, being ignorant of the Jonah
theory. |