I am very far from
thinking that the observations of a simple woman like me can have any
direct effect on the policy of nations. I am, however, inclined to
believe that the honest statement of the experience of an observing
Scotch wife may act as a little drop of oil in sustaining the steady
flame of the old-fashioned cruse of Scotch common sense; therefore it is
that I presume to set forth the light within me on the rather important
subject of non-intervention.
We all know that nations are just like individuals. Now, I am sure, it
would have puzzled even Don Quixote himself to give a single instance of
an individual who had in any way profited by interference in his
neighbours’ affairs; and it would just be as difficult to point out a
nation which had gained either pleasure or profit by intermeddling in
the affairs of neighbouring states. I, of course, do not pretend to
throw light on the national branch of the question, but merely intend,
in as few words as possible, to acquaint you with the circumstances that
led me to decide neither by look, word, nor action to interfere in my
neighbours’ affaire. I confine my illustration to the events of a single
day.
It was one forenoon last summer, after I had got my work finished, that
I was waited on by an old neighbour of mine who was in great distress.
Mrs. Hastie had come to consult me about the shortcomings of her only
son, who, she said, was going very far wrong; indeed, she said, he was
fairly breaking her heart; “ and,” quoth she, with the tears dropping
over her cheeks, “ it is very ill his part, for I am sure, if ever there
was an indulgent mother in this world, it has been me to that boy. I am
sure he never had a desire that I did not strive to gratify. Since ever
he saw the world’s light I never went a single place that I did not take
him with me, and give him the first and best of everything. Yes, Mrs.
Muirhead, I have been an indulgent parent. Before that boy was four
years old, when other children, about the New-year time, were playing
themselves with little toy bottles, he was going about with a large
bottle and glass, and real whisky, “ first-footing” the neighbours, just
like a little man. And I am sure he never had a fault that I did not try
to hide. When he was twelve years old, and in a fit of passion flung a
carving-knife at his cousin, I stood in between him and his father, and
did not let him touch him. It is not in one thing, but in everything,
that I have been his friend. When, last summer, he took a ten-pound note
out of his father’s desk to pay the expenses of his London trip, I
borrowed the money, and never let his father know; and yet, for all
that, he lias no regard for my feelings; no, you would rather think he
takes a pleasure in vexing me. The thing that grieves me more than all,
and what I am come to consult you about, is, that I have found out that
he is going with some huzzy at the other end of the town, and I would
not wonder but she may get him coaxed to marry her.”
I made answer, “ I do not see how the idea of his being married should
grieve you so. I think you should rather be well pleased; if he were
married, he would perhaps take himself up. I think you should be much
obliged to any ordinary decent woman that would take him j she, you
know, will get but a very poor bargain.”
Mrs. Hastie looked at me as if she would have stared me through; the
tears in her eyes seemed converted into fire as she said—“‘A poor
bargain!’ and so you think my son would be ‘a poor bargain?’ Would your
snivelling, two-faced, hypocritical Daniel be ‘a poor bargain? A poor
bargain !* I suppose you will count everybody "a poor bargain* that is
not a whited sepulchre of a Sabbath school teacher. And so, my William
is "a poor bargain* because he does not groan and sigh at congregational
prayer-meet-ings, because he is not an elected manager and a budding
elder! ‘A poor bargain!' I will tell you what it is, Mrs. Muirhead,
there is more pluck in my ‘poor bargain’ than in nine hundred and
ninety-nine of your flat-footed, knock-kneed, lantern-jawed, blear-eyed,
dutiful, and obedient tract-lending Daniels.”
I was quite taken by surprise. When I rallied a little, I struck in,
“You make rather a long sermon on a short text; but whatever you say
about my Daniel, keep mind of the fact that he never threw a
carving-knife at anybody, nor yet stole a ten-pound note.”
At this Mrs. Hastie started to her feet, and vomited out a string of
titles all directly applied to me, the like of which I never before
heard from the mouth of either man or woman; they could not in any
circumstances be repeated in the hearing of decent people, unless it
were at a no-Popery meeting in the description of the Church of Rome;
and even there they would certainly be accounted strong language. The
indignant mother went out at my door, declaring that although she were
to live a thousand years she would neither forget nor forgive my
insolent abuse of William Hastie. As she went down the stair I heard her
muttering to herself, “Revenge is sweet,” and “A poor bargain!” When I
had shut the door, I sat down at the window to reflect on my unthinking
folly in saying one disparaging word to a mother about her son, when 1
saw another of my old neighbours making as if she were going to pay me a
visit: she was a Mrs. Darling. When she was my neighbour she had not got
the length of mistress—she was a Miss Hunter; a very appropriate name I
used to think, for sh$ was terribly on the hunt for a husband. She made
no secret of this: she used to say on all occasions, “I think everybody
is going to get married before it comes to my turn.” I used to tell her
that far greater misfortunes might befall her than being an old maid; to
which she would reply, “ It is easy for you to speak, who are married
yourself: I do not know what worse could happen a person than being an
old maid: it is a very queer husband that is not better than no husband
at all.” One day Miss Hunter called upon me, dressed in first-rate
style, and in the highest possible spirits. I asked what was in the
*wind?’”
“What would you think?” quoth she.
“You are perhaps going to
be married?” quoth L “Just that,” quoth she.
“Who are you getting?” quoth I.
“Could you not guess?” quoth she.
“Is he a tradesman or a shopkeeper?” quoth I.
“Do you think,” quoth she, “that I would take a tradesman, or even a
shopkeeper? No, it is none of your common scrubs. What would you think
of a gentleman—or the very next thing to a gentleman? What would you
think of a commission agent?”
My thought had been that Miss Hunter, in her haste to get married, would
have taken anything that had offered in the shape of a man, but I said
nothing, but asked what the intended commissioned in? Miss Hunter said
she did not know, only he had an office like Pollok &c Gilmour—there was
nothing in it but a desk and three stools; but that was the way, she
said, with all the offices where things were done on a large scale. I
said I hoped he was a decent man, whether his business was done on a
large or small scale. Miss Hunter said he was that decent a man that he
had taken her to the Paisley races in a chaise and pair; and that all
the grand ladies in their coaches and four nodded to him, just as if he
bad beep ap old acquaintance. There was no mistake of his being a decent
man, and rather more,—he was a man of rank and station. Well, Miss
Hunter was married in great style. She had £300 of her own—in which I
could learn there was a good hole made furnishing the house and putting
past the wedding. It was not long till I heard that Mrs. Darling had
occasion to rue her bargain; but she had not come near me, so I got none
of the particulars. It was more than a year since the wedding, and this
was the first time I had been honoured with a visit When she came in,
the first thing I noticed was that she wore the grand brocaded marriage
gown, so scuffed and spotted that it seemed quite a different pattern.
When Mrs. Darling put up her vail I could scarcely believe my eyes, she
was so altered; her eyes were red and swollen, evidently with crying;
.her lip was swollen and cut; and her liair was hanging in loose tangles
about her face. I could not help thinking that she was a darling in
earnest. I asked what was the matter, which seemed at once to open the
floodgates of her grief; for she sobbed until her heart seemed at the
bursting. When she spoke, her words were—“It is that man,—that cruel,
wicked man,—that unprincipled scoundrel; he is a liar, a swindler, and a
thief, and he will finish his career with murder, for he will certainly
take my life.” After this, and a lot more of the same sort, I learned
from Mrs. Darling that her husband of rank and station was nothing else
but a dodging impostor. He had spent every farthing of her £300, and had
run her into a bag of debt iu all directions; he came home drunk every
night that he did come home, but far oftener did not come home at all;
he had twice lifted a knife to stab her, and had kicked her with his
feet times without number;—he was constantly, in his abuse, threatening
to finish her, though he should “swing for it.” She had come to me to
ask what I thought she should do in the circumstances. I had no
hesitation in telling her that I saw nothing for it but just to leave
him at once* “Many a one,” quoth I, “has had far more to do than to
bring up one child by their own exertions.” I said that she should not
hesitate in her decision, but just leave him at once, for there was no
saying what a ruffian like that might do.
Mrs. Darling took a good long hearty cry. She then dried her eyes and
said, “And so, you would advise me to leave him! That is just like the
consolation I might have expected from you; you would advise me to leave
my own man? I suppose it would do your heart good ta see me begging from
door to door with my child in my arms; or perhaps to see me on a summer
morning sitting cowering at a warehouse door, waiting my turn for yarn,
when you were going past in a carriage on your way to the ‘salt water.*
It is just like you to advise me to leave my lawful husband. He has his
faults, no doubt, and they are well known, thanks to his long-tongued
wife; but with all his faults, if I had my bargain to make over again, I
would rather take him yet than some of the well-doing husbands I see. My
husband, thank goodness! is like a man; he is not a thing that people
turn and look after; he is not an oddity that a person thinks shame to
be seen with in the street. No; Mr. Darling is like a man; he is not a
guttapercha-looking scarecrow, like your own pattern husband, Mrs.
Muirhead. I always thought there was a good deal of the wolf in sheep’s
clothing about you; but I know you now, you good Christian, to try to
part husband and wife! ”
I seemed to have lost my power of speech. I was silenced, I suppose, by
the thought that, in my simplicity, I had twice in one day fallen into
an error that a very small amount of reflection might have forewarned me
of. When I found my tongue I made short work of Mrs. Darling, by telling
her to go away home, and stay with her lying, swindling thief of a
husband, until he killed her, as he threatened; and, when I heard the
“speech-criers” announcing the feet, I said I would treat myself to a
halfpenny worth of the full, true, and particular account.
Mrs. Darling took her departure, saying, “That she would perhaps see day
about with me yet. I could,” she said, “be thinking what I would say for
myself when Mr. Darling called on me; for as sure as she had the
door-latch in her hand, she would tell him that I had advised her to
leave him, and if he gave me a hot skin, I could just take it.”
The sound of Mrs. Darling’s parting words were still ringing in my ears
when I heard a rap, ring, or rustle at the door,—it was a kind of
compound noise,—that indicated a demand for admission. When I opened the
door, there was my veiy oldest neighbour, Mrs. M‘Corquodale,—she lived
on the stair-head with me when I first took up house. I had heard of
late that Mrs. M'Corquodale had become very fond of a dram. I took no
heed to the rumour; but when I saw Mrs. M‘Corquodale standing leaning up
against the wall, I saw at once that there was something wrong. When she
had got the length of the middle of the floor, it was easy seen that she
was “fou” to the neck. The first words that she spoke were, “You must
excuse me, Mrs. Muirhead, you must excuse me; for, I do declare, at this
very moment, I find myself just like a person the worse of drink. 1 will
tell you what it was that did if. I am perfectly sensible what it was
that did it. You see, Mrs. Muirhead, I went out this morning to call
upon several decent old acquaintances of mine—old neighbours like
yourself, Mrs. Muirhead. Well, after I had got my visits past, I thought
I would just come over and see you, Mrs. Muirhead —just for ‘auld
langsyne.' Well, as I am coming down Portland Street, I chanced to have
a halfpenny in my hand, and I happened to get my eye on that grand new
suspension bridge that we have got, so I thought there would be no harm
in my taking a halfpenny worth of the bridge. Well, I paid my halfpenny,
and in I goes through yon whirligig thing; and, before I knew where I
was, I was going reeling away over to the other side of the bridge. Oh,
woman, I never thought they would have put up a high-fly, perpetual
motion kind of a thing like yon for the permanent accommodation of the
public. Well, would you believe it, Mrs. Muirhead, it was as much as I
could do, by hanging on by the railings, to get over to the other side;
and, before I had arrived on terra firma, it had fairly taken my head,
and I do declare I am like a drunk person yet. As I was coming up
Maxwell Street I was reading yon grand ticket of the magistrates about
keeping the 1 right hand to the wall/ and I was once thinking, in the
innocent simplicity of my heart, to try to obey orders, till I began to
think it would be the height of nonsense for the one half of the
population to be going backwards to please them; so I came on my way
rejoicing, with whatever hand to the wall Providence pleased. And now,
Mrs. Muirhead, whether ye believe me or not, I am real glad to see you.
There has been many an up and down to many a one since you and I fell
acquainted; but you and I are neither much up nor down; for which we
have great reason to be thankful. Many a thing we have cause to be
thankful for. I am sure that, in the first place, we have both to be
thankful for as good men as there is in all broad Scotland. 1 am sure
Mr. M'Corquodale is just as good a husband as any woman could wish,
although she had him of her own making; and it’s only myself that knows
how that poor man adores me; but yet, for all that, Mr. M‘Corquodale has
his faults. We have all our faults. A wife, perhaps, should not tell her
husband’s faults; but Mr. M‘Corquodale is very unreasonable at times”
(Mrs. M'Corquodale continued with pathos, which gradually accumulated
till it found vent in tears)— “very unreasonable. You know, Mrs.
Muirhead, we have had the misfortune to have three bits of girls all
running— although many a time I say a far greater misfortune might
happen people than having a few daughters. There is luck with the girls;
and many a one is far more indebted to their daughters than to their
sons. Well, Mrs. Muirhead, would you believe it? for as sensible a man
as Mr. M'Corquodale is, when the last girl was bom he was so much
disappointed that he did not speak to me for a whole fortnight—the same
as if I could help it! And when at long and last he did open his mouth,
what do you think he said ?—it just showed what his foolish imagination
had been running on all the time,—he said he hoped it would be a boy
next!”
I got Mrs. M'Corquodale persuaded to lie down in my bed a little, until
the swinging of the bridge would go out of her head. She had just laid
down when Mr. M'Corquodale called, inquiring for his better half. I said
she was a little poorly, so I had advised her to lie down in my bed a
little, where I thought she would soon be better.
“Poorly!” quoth Mr. M'Corquodale, “we know too well what is the matter
with her; not that I would grudge any woman a dram in moderation. No!”
(the tears came in a manner hissing over his long red nose as he
added)—“far from that. I think we are all the better of a little drop;
but she goes fairly over the score.”
With some little judicious management I got Mr. and Mrs. M'Corquodale
started on their road home, without getting any harm between them. But I
in a manner caught it for all that; for that night I had a dream that
made such a vivid impression on my mind that 1 somehow look upon it as
an accomplished fact. I thought, in my dream, I got a note from Mr.
M'Corquodale, announcing that Mrs. M'Corquodale had got a little boy,
and inviting me to get “ blithe meat.” So away I went to see the no
doubt much-thought-of boy. When I went in, the first thing that took my
eye was the table perfectly loaded with all sorts of drink, and every
corner of the house crammed full of worthless drunken women; and there
was Mr. M‘Corquodale going about amongst them, bottle in hand, pouring
out trayful after trayful, handing it round, and forcing them to take
it. I stood looking on (as I thought) until 1 could stand it no longer,
so I touched Mr. M'Corquodale on the shoulder, to make him conscious of
my presence, and said, “ I am astonished to see you, sir; you complain
of your wife going over the score, but what else can you expect when
that is the sort of company you encourage to come about her?” Mr.
M'Corquodale said Dothing; but an old wife, whom I had noticed drink
five glasses of one kind of drink or another,—at every glass she drank “
to the very good health of the pretty little boy,” who, she invariably
added, was liker his father than any child she had ever seen, and she
had seen, she was sure, a thousand;—well, this old wife, sorting her
spectacles, took a good stare at me, and said, “I never saw you before,
and you are a very decent-like woman; but I will tell you what it is, if
you were coming into my house, and setting up any such impudence to me,
or any of my friends, I would just take and kick you down the stair!”
Mr. M'Corquodale needed no further hint: he turned on me like a bear;
and, after he had vented his wrathful indignation, he thought he was
very witty when he said—“ If you, Mrs. Muirhead, mean to preach a
temperance sermon, you should reserve your eloquence for the Sunday
night in the City Hall, where you will have the advantage of an audience
worthy of your powers, and the benefit of the accompaniment of the grand
organ.” I thought that, in reply to this witty sally, I gave him an
imitation of himself, when he said, rubbing his long red nose, “ Not
that I would grudge any woman a dram in moderation: we are all the
better of a little drop; but she goes fairly over the score.” This so
roused Mr. M‘Corquodale that I thought he at onoe acted on the old
wife’s suggestion, and in right good earnest kicked me down the stair.
It is curious the thoughts that come into a person’s head in a dream. I
thought it took me two years to come down Eglinton Street,
and that when I arrived at the Jamaica Street Bridge it wad the dead
hour of midnight. When I had got to near about the centre of the bridge,
whom did I meet but Mr. M‘Corquo-dale. He was walking terribly lonely
and sad-like, and always looking over into the dark water. He seemed
inclined to shun me; but I went up to him and said, “ What are you doing
here, goodman, at such an hour as this?” His voice had the tones of
hopeless sorrow as he answered, “ If it was not for that little boy I
would not be long here; she is fairly breaking my heart”
“Well, goodman,” quoth I, “you are like many a ono more; you are reaping
the bitter fruits of your own folly. You are like Mrs. Hastie and her
son; she has her son as she trained him, and must take the consequences.
You are like Mrs. Darling and her husband; she has him as she took him,
with her eyes open, and must take the consequences; and you have your
wife what by precept and example you have made her, and must take the
consequences. I rather fear there is no cure for you, unless you could
make up your mind to do without your own little drop, and so set your
wife a sober example.”
This was all I said, and yet it so roused the old rascal that, without
giving me the slightest warning, he sprang upon me like a tiger, lifted
me bodily, and threw me right over the bridge. I awakened just as I was
falling into the water!
Now, although all this was but a dream, it was so like what might have
happened, that it, combined with my actual experience, has firmly
decided me neither, as I said, by look, word, or action, to interfere in
my neighbours’ affairs. Whatever light I have, I will try to spread by
the enunciation of general principles; but when consulted about the
shortcomings of friends, my motto is—Non-intervention. |