Some time ago I read a
little volume by Emerson, bearing the title, The Conduct of Life. I read
the great American's book in the earnest hope that I might find in it a
few thoughts which would assist me in steering my own course. I expected
to have pointed out to me “footprints on the sands of time,” which would
in some measure point me the way I should go. Well, I liked Mr.
Emerson’s book; but I did not find in it anything I could turn to much
practical account. Mr. Emerson's lamp did certainly give forth a kind of
light; but it was of such a sort as seemed to me only to aid in “making
the darkness visible;” and yet, I must tell you, I had pleasure in
reading it. A single thought contained in it I do not at present
remember; but I recollect distinctly my feelings in reading it were akin
to those I have experienced when, stretched on the green sward on a
glorious summer day, I have, shading my eyes, gazed into the soft blue
vault of heaven, and carelessly mused on the wondrous mysteries of
existence, catching at times sweet glimpses of thought whioh give joy
for the moment, but can never be definitely recalled; or, when walking
alone by the shore on a placid summer night, I have gazed in rapture on
the scene, sometimes pausing in a strange ecstacy of thought as the idea
flashed across me that earth, air, sea, and sky, and all its countless
worlds, with their bright reflected forms, had each moment, in my eye, a
new creation. My little orb of sight embraced the great material
universe: might I not at some future time travel quick as thought from
star to star?
It is thoughts such as these that Emerson’s Conduct oj Life resembles;
and so I had pleasure in the book. If ever I should have the joy of
meeting Emerson in the everlasting city, or in the green fields of Eden,
we shall have some jokes about his Conduct of Life, I will certainly
tell him that it would be much easier for any mortal to find out the way
of life for himself, than to find out the meaning of his mystic sayings.
I do not feel that Mr. Emerson stands at all in my way as I enter on
this subject
In speaking of the way of life, my desire shall be to impart to you, in
as simple a form as possible, all I have learnt, either from books or
experience, calculated to guide me through the perplexing paths of
active business life. I will therefore avoid, as much as possible,
theorizing, and be as practical as I can. If I do attempt to be flowery
and eloquent occasionally, these ingredients will be introduced only in
such quantity as may be necessary to make your humble servant pleasant
to see and hear.
The Way of Life!—look to it, and they that travel on it!— Happy
childhood, with its uncounted hours of sunny joys; hopeful youth, with
its bright dreams and ardent aspirations; life’s prime, with its
passionate raptures of love, joy, sorrow, pride, anger, and ambition,
all ruling by turns. The noon-day past, life’s charms begin to fade. A
serious aspect now is worn. The traveller now looks backwards and
upwards. The cords that bound him firmly to the world are breaking, one
by one. Old age succeeds. The vale of years has such a company that
parting should be pleasure. Vice parts with sin and suffering; while
virtue, ripened for entrance on the true and good, feels that to die is
gain.
These thoughts map out our course. What, then, can we say that will
serve childhood in speaking of the way of life? In other words, What can
we tell the parents present that will be of advantage to their children?
One of the first things parents should teach their children is the
beautiful hymn of Dr. Watts:—
“How doth the little busy bee
Improve each shining hotur,
And gather honey all the day
From every opening flower!
“In works of labour or of skill
I should be busy too,
For Satan finds some mischief still
For idle hands to do.”
These thoughts could hardly be conveyed in better language; and I know
no ideas more important to the happiness of the traveller on the way of
life. That children should be taught them early is very important. We
must therefore make an effort to make all children understand that, if
they would be happy, they must be busy. To tell a child this in words is
not sufficient. The precept must be enforced by example. When Mrs.
M‘Larty told either her sons or daughters to do any piece of work, they
answered, in the language of their mother—“I canna be fashed;” but when
Mrs. Mason set to work, and got the girls to help her, and by their
united efforts converted the close, dingy, comfortless room into a
bright and cheery apartment, the girls were really instructed. Children,
I think, would be less apt to look on their lessons as irksome if they
saw their parents taking pleasure in acquiring a mastery of some branch
of knowledge; and all parents, we know, would add to their own happiness
by some such exercise in their leisure hours. If parents fully
understood the pleasures of constant occupation, the first lessons
taught our children would be very different from what they are. Just
look for a moment at the first lessons taught the children of our
humbler towns and villages. The children are all in the streets, and
following their natural instincts. They are busy; but they are sitting
in Turkish fashion, making dirt pies, while their parents, seated in
some lazy corner, are gazing vacantly, chatting listlessly, and smoking
at intervals, a passing cart or canal-boat occasionally rousing them to
more active staring. These parents are giving, and these children are
receiving, their first lessons for their direction on the way of life.
And so, in all likelihood, when these children become men and women,
they will lounge, and doze, and smoke, and spit, and stare, just as
their parents did, and all around them will look as slatternly and
comfortless as ever. The same “middens” will stand in full view. The
same “dubs” will lie before every door, and on the same spot the next
generation will busily bake their dirt pies, seeing precisely the same
sights their fathers saw. Such, we know, is the style of the first
lessons in not a few places we could name. People who have lived all
their lives in localities so very select that they have never had an
opportunity of viewing the picture we have sketched, may have indirect
proof that such scenes do exist, even while promenading before the most
tasteful villas in our most stylish watering places. Look to the beach.
Right before each garden gate lies a huge accumulation of earth and
stones, with every sort of decaying vegetable matter, hurled there week
after week by the youthful dirt pie bakers, who have now grown men, and
become gardeners or gardeners' assistants, and from their early training
believe a dunghill right before even a palace door the right thing in
the right place. To every town and village of bonny Scotland we would
say—“Reform this system of teaching altogether. Resolve that your
children shall never see you lounging amongst a gaping idle crowd,—that
they shall not learn to think dirt their natural element, by being set
to play in filthy gutters. Let their earliest remembrances of their
father be, seeing him in his leisure hours making everything tidy,
sweeping with a will all round the cottage, whitewashing its walls,
planting daisies in the little strip of ground beneath each window, and
then sitting down with book in hand, holding converse with the world’s
great thinkers!”
Were such a style of “ first lesson” adopted, it would do much to
sweeten and brighten the lives of your children; and it would give them
never-failing sources of pleasure in storing their minds with charming
pictures of their early days, which would dwell in their memories as
things of beauty that give joy for ever. These hints to very humble
parents may be taken advantage of by parents in higher circles. Those
have not done their entire duty to their children when they have paid
high school fees for them, or engaged a learned governess or tutor for
their instruction. Doing that is all right and proper; but in addition,
the parents must be careful of the lessons they themselves teach their
children; for whether parents are willing or not, their children will
take lessons from them; and if, as is sometimes the case, the son never
sees his father but in the evening, and he is then lazily dozing at the
fireside, or with a jolly friend enjoying a glass of toddy, I do not
think that the lesson of the parent will be of advantage to the child.
The conclusion the boy draws, who receives such lessons, is, I must at
present do as papa desires me; but when I get the chance, I will do just
as he does, and that will be, smoke my cigar, take a jolly glass of
toddy, and not trouble my head about learning.
I feel I could speak a long time about this matter, but I must hasten
on, merely adding—If parents in easy circumstances would give their
children a chance of happiness, they must do all in their power to teach
them that if they would be happy they must be busy, and busy, too, in
something that is useful to the world; explaining to them that he who
cuts a fine statue, paints a fine picture, writes an exquisite poem, or
tells a good story, is just as useful as he who grows grain, or he who
brings our coals from the bowels of the earth.
In glancing first at the way of life, after childhood I saw
youth—hopeful youth, with its bright dreams and ardent aspirations. In
treating of childhood I spoke to parents of their children. What I have
to say to youth I address directly to the youths themselves. I
counselled parents to teach their children, that if they would be happy
they must be busy. If there be any young men or women present whose
parents have not taught them this, they will be pleased to remember that
it is the first lesson I give them. If you would go cheerfully on the
way of life you must keep yourselves constantly employed. The great
majority of young people must in youth learn some trade or business by
which to earn a living. To acquire a sufficient knowledge of any trade
or profession requires very diligent application. If such application is
not heartily given, the neglect will embitter all your after-existence.
The young lawyer who would be useful and happy in his profession must
give his nights and days to the study of laws. He must learn the
principles of equity on which they are based, and the way in which they
have been applied to difficult and complicated cases. He must be very
familiar with all the pleadings of the great masters of the law. The
young tailor must be equally diligent in becoming expert at seaming,
stitching, and rantering, and must give all his heart to the “pinking”
of a buttonhole. Unless he does so he will be what tailors call a “poor
snob” for life, and will certainly lead a very miserable existence. No
matter what your work is, that must have your entire attention. Young
lawyers often think they would have made famous soldiers, and young
tailors often think they would have made great actors. Well, perhaps
they might have done so; but at present they are required to give proof
of their ability by becoming great at their present occupations. This
should always be remembered —that a man really great will excel in
whatever he applies himself to; and this, too, should be borne in
mind—that more men have acquired both honours and riches as lawyers than
have won prizes as soldiers, and that for one great actor who has made a
fortune there are a thousand tailors who have risen to fortune, if not
to fame. If a youth has chosen, or has had chosen for him, a business
for which he is peculiarly unsuited, a change should be made as soon as
possible; but when this cannot be conveniently managed, the youth should
work on with a good heart, and give his leisure hours to the study of
something for which he may think himself suited. He is quite sure
latterly (if he is really willing to work) to find in his way work
suited to both his tastes and his talents; the first and chief attention
being given as due to that which is to bring your bread and butter. Your
hours of leisure should be all devoted systematically to some ennobling
pursuit.
Were I young again I think I would, as I did while quite a boy, join a
debating society. I cannot boast of the great advantage I derived from
my connection with the association of young orators; but I can very
truly boast of the great happiness I experienced while a member of the
“Western Self-Culture Society.” I am old enough to take stock pretty
accurately of all life’s joys, and I rank very highly the pleasure
yielded to hard-working young tradesmen in the debating society. The
labours of the day over—drudgery, masters, and foremen all forgotten—a
cozy room, bright gas light, cheerful young faces, and then—I must use
the phrase— “the feast of reason and the flow of soul.” How often have
I, after spending an evening in our club, enjoyed whole nights of
rapturous thought as I recalled the things I had said, and thought of
the better things I might have said, and would say the next time the
question came up. That was indeed a very happy time in my life. Knowing
more of life now, I feel very grateful to God that I was so directed to
spend my leisure hours. If I could live my life over again I would give
the subjects debated in such a club more earnest attention, and be more
anxious than I was to exhibit truth, and less anxious than I was to
exhibit the weak sides of my clubmates. The debating club, then, you
see, is my favourite as a pastime in leisure hours. Many, I know, would
turn their leisure to better account by devoting it to the study of any
of the sciences or languages. A profound acquaintanceship with these
will fit one for offices of honour and usefulness, which many an
accomplished debater could not fill; and if I am any judge of the signs
of the times, glancing at the speed with which the iron horse is
galloping us right round the world, I would say that to devote your
leisure to acquiring a great variety of languages would be one of the
most certain ways of humble youth going right on to fortune. There would
be no harm in both studying languages and practising debating. I believe
a young man may excel in both, and perhaps be a first-rate shoemaker at
the same time.
To those who may have neither taste nor talent for such pursuits in
their leisure hours, music will perhaps have charms, or they may find
great enjoyment in the cultivation of flowers. The youth who, so soon as
he has taken his supper, devotes himself earnestly to the fiddle or
flute, or even the pianoforte, is almost sure to prove a good member of
society. And he whose whole heart is set on taking the first prize at
the district flower show is one who will in all likelihood prove a good
neighbour. In speaking of these lighter matters, I hope the young
present will understand that I take it for granted that they all know
that truth in word and action is essential to progress on “ the way of
life.” I have spoken at this length about attention to work, and the
diligent occupation of leisure, because I thought these matters which
many young people might not understand. Some, I feared, might labour
under the delusion that it would be very jolly to have nothing to do,
which is as great a mistake as any one can fall into. As to truth in
word and action, I repeat, I take it lor granted that all understand
that any departure from truth is not only inful, but stupid, and is a
certain bar to all true progress. On, then, my young Mends, by the
straight, narrow path of honour! Duty is the only road to happiness. All
the tempting short cuts of roguery are the snares prepared for folly,
and only fools will be deceived by them. My parting words to youth shall
be the wisest uninspired words I know. They are Shakespeare’s, and
should be engraven on the heart of every youth:—
"But above all, to thine own self be true,
And it mnst follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
In speaking to men and women of the way of life, I have reached a field
so broad that I am at a loss where to break ground.
The captain who had started for the first time on a long, a difficult,
and a dangerous voyage, through seas which he had never sailed, would do
well to examine carefully the charts prepared by voyagers who had gone
before, and to have well fixed in his memory the various points where
dangers were to be encountered, where hidden rocks were to be avoided,
and dangerous currents contended with. The voyager who took not such
precautions would have little chance of making a very successful
passage; nay, he would be almost certain to perish on some unknown
shore. Now, the voyage of life is a very difficult and dangerous
passage, and every one must act both as pilot and captain for himself.
How important, then, is it that, when they reach that period of life
when they take full command of their own actions, they should seek to
profit by the experience of the great and good who have gone before!
This experience is to be found largely in good books. “ Good books !”
Some may think this a very vague expression, so I must qualify it by
saying that valuable experience will be found in almost all books which
have been popular for one hundred or more years. This is the sort of
reading which I think young men and women will find most profitable. I
have no objection to them reading, for recreation, the last “sensation”
novel; bat if they would profit by their reading, let them read the
grand old masters, where they will meet with lumps of thought and great
“ruggs” of common sense. I often regret that, in groping my way in the
world of letters, no one ever told me that 1 should read certain
important books. I was never told to read “Plutarch’s Lives;” I was
never told to read the works of Plato; I was never told to read Burton.
The fact is, I never got from any one the slightest hint what books I
should read. I just stumbled upon these masters I have named, and found
them full of wisdom. I am quite sure young men and women would do well
to be guided, for a time at least, in the selection of their books by my
hint,— to read books that have been popular for a hundred years
Shakespeare has been rising in favour during three centuries; and at his
next centenary the ploughman bard is likely still to be holding his
place. But some may ask if I am really recommending young men and women
to attach importance to Burns and Shakespeare, a loose-living exciseman
and a writer of plays. Well, I myself do not feel inclined to worship
either of them; but there they are, acknowledged as our first
intellects, and so I would have young people to drink deeply at their
wells of wisdom. When I was very young I often read the address by Burns
to his young friend. I thought it then, and still think it, worthy of
great attention. Burns was in a hearty, healthful, serious mood, and he
sat down, pen in hand, to write to his young friend. I have no doubt he
prayed heaven and the muses to inspire him to write an epistle that in
all future time would be of service to young men, and so he produced
this string of pearls
“I lang lia’e thought, my youthfu’ friend,
A something to have sent you,
Though it should serve nae ither end
Than just a kind memento;
Bat how the subject-theme may gang,
Let time an’ chance determine;
Perhaps it may torn out a sang,
Perhaps tom out a sermon.
“Ye’ll try the world fa* soon, my lad,
An’, Andrew, dear, believe me,
Ye’ll find mankind an unco squad,
An’ muckle they may grieve ye:
For care an’ trouble set your thought,
Ev’n when your end’s attained;
An’ a* your views may come to nought
Where ev’ry nerve is strained.
“I’ll no say men are villains a’;
The real, harden’d wicked,
Wha ha’e nae check but human law,
Are to a few restricked;
But, och! mankind are unco weak,
An’ little to be trusted;
If self the wavering balance shake,
It’s rarely right adjusted!
“Yet they wha fa’ in fortune’s strife,
Their fate we should na censure,
For still th’ important end of life
They equally may answer;
A man may ha’e an honest heart,
Tho’ poortith hourly stare him;
A man may tak’ a neibor’s part,
Yet ha’e nae cash to spare him.
“Ayp free, aff han’ your story tell,
When wi’ a bosom crony;
But still keep something to yoursel’
Ye scarcely tell to ony.
Conceal yoursel’ as weel’s ye can
Frae critical dissection;
But keek through ev’ry other man
Wi’ sharpen’d, sly inspection.
“The sacred lowe o* weel-plac’d love,
Luxuriantly indulge it;
But never tempt th* illicit rove,
Tho’ naething should divulge its
I waive the quantum o’ the sin,
The hazard of concealing;
But, och! it hardens a’ within.
An’ petrifies the feeling!
"To catch dame Fortune's golden smile,
Assiduous wait upon her;
An* gather gear by ev’ry wile
That’s justified by honour;
Not for to hide it in a hedge,
Nor for a train-attendant,
But for the glorious privilege
Of being independent
“The fear o’ hell’s a hangman’s whip
To baud the wretch in order;
But where ye feel your honour grip,
Let that aye be your border;
Its slightest touches, instant pause—
Debar a’ side pretences;
An' resolutely keep its laws,
Uncaring consequences.
"The great Creator to revere
Must sure become the creature;
But still the preaching cant forbear,
An’ ev’n the rigid feature;
Yet ne’er with wits profane to range,
Be complaisance extended;
An Atheist laugh’s a poor exchange
For Deity oifended!
"When ranting round in pleasure’s ring,
Religion may be blinded;
Or if she gi’e a random sting,
It may be little minded;
But when on life we're tempest driv’n,
A conscience but a canker,
A correspondence fix’d wi’ Heav’n
Is sure a noble anchor!
"Adieu! dear, amiable youth,
Your heart can ne’er be wanting!
May prudence, fortitude, an' truth
Brect your brow undaunting!
In ploughman phrase, (God send yon speed)
Still daily to grow wiser;
An’ may yon better reck the rede
Than ever did th’ adviser!”
These lines are well worthy of having a place in every memory, as they
contain all the advice that Robert Burns thought most important for the
direction of the young on the way of life. I have often compared them
with lines of a similar character by Shakespeare, a portion of which I
have already quoted. They occur in “ Hamlet,” and are spoken by Polonius
to his son Laertes, who is about to leave on his travels. I take it for
granted that Shakespeare here makes the old man give expression to the
thoughts which he knew would be of service to the young men of all
future ages. I shall give you them in full:—
“Give thy thoughts no tongue
Nor any unproportion’d thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch’d, unfledged comrade.
Beware Of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in,
Bear *t, that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give evexy man thine ear, but few thy voice:
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be:
For loan oft loses both itself and friend;
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all,—To thine own self be true;
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.’'
These are very wise words, having, like the lines of Burns, much of
sagacity and not a little of selfishness. In his last sentence, in
god-like thought Shakespeare far transcends the ploughman bard. Well,
such are the directions for your guidance on the way of life by two
undoubtedly great men. It will be found profitable to compare them with
the counsellings of another. There will be no harm if my lecture should
turn out a sermon,—not a bit; and so I follow the train of thought that
naturally arises. The other Teacher is He who “ spake as never man spake.”
How mean and earthly do the words of the greatest mortals look beside
the jewels of thought that dropped from His lips when He preached upon
the mount! We cannot read that sermon too often; nor can we study too
frequently that •perfect compass for our direction on the way of
life—-the Lord’s Prayer. “ Our Father who art in heaven how true, and
pure, and beautiful our lives must be before we can appropriately use
these words! “ Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth as it is in
heavenhow all that is sinful flees before the soul earnest in this
petition! "Give us this day our daily breadall the sins and sufferings
of men would cease, if we sought only our daily bread. “ And forgive us
our debts as we forgive our debtorsthe heart that can in faith utter
these simple words must be a fountain of love,—forgive us as we forgive
! I repeat, we cannot study too frequently that perfect compass for our
direction on the way of life—the Lord’s Prayer. It is impossible to make
a single sinful word or action square with a single sentence of it. The
thought I am at present striving to convey is best expressed by
Solomon:—“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with
all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote
thee; she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. She
shall give to thine head an ornament of grace : a crown of glory shall
she deliver to thee.” And this understanding, I think, is most likely to
be found in good books, and above all in “The Book.” But the idea of my
lecture is to give you the benefit of my understanding in directing you
on the way of life, so I must proceed. Well, what gives most concern to
young men and women who have just arrived at the years of maturity ? The
young men, as a class, are most concerned about money, while the young
women think most frequently about love. Well, it might be proper to tell
the young men to temper their thoughts about fortune with thoughts of
love, and the young women to season their thoughts of love with cash
calculations; for experience is ever exhibiting the truth, that money
without love can never give happiness, and that “ A kiss and a drink of
cold water make a very ‘wersh* breakfast!” A happy human life is a
well-concerted harmony, where all the chords of our nature are touched
in turn, each giving its quota of sweet sounds, which, blending in
beauty, produce happiness. The young man, then, who would walk wisely
the way of life will diligently exert his every energy that he may be
able honestly to provide for a household; and while he is so doing he
will earnestly woo the star of love. Ambition, though often abused, is a
noble attribute of our nature, and is properly exercised when it has for
its aim a comfortable home, a charming wife, and lovely children. One
young man told me lately that he had a sweetheart, and if he had a
situation more to his mind he would marry immediately. I asked what his
wages were ? He admitted they were fully a pound a-week. My advice to
him was,—
“Taste life's glad moments
While the wasting taper glows,
Pluck, ere it withers,
The quickly-fading rose.”
I told him in plain prose that he was a humbug; that he was using his
sweetheart shabbily; and that he should get married at once. I told him
to tell the young lady that I said so. He answered—“She would say you
were a very sensible man.” The young man who has a very moderate wage
has no right to make any woman “ heart sick ” by hope deferred; for the
sweetheart of such a lover has no certainty that when bis income is
increased) it will not still seem too
small; and so life’s joys may be lost in delay. I bad proof not long ago
that the fears of my friend with a pound a-Week are sometimes cherished
by parties with very handsome incomes. I met in the train one day a very
smart young man. He was looking rather glum. He introduced the subject
of matrimony. He said to me, “If I were in your position I would get
married at once.” I asked what was wrong with his own position. “Oh,” he
said, “I am merely a servant, with' a small salary.” I asked what was
the amount of his salary. He told me he was in receipt of £140 a-year.
My next question was, “Have you a sweetheart?” He said he had. I smiled
and said, “And so you are afraid to marry on £140 a-year: you have
surely very lofty notions.” I asked if the young lady had any common
sense; “ for,” said I, “if she has, she will just be as happy with £140
a-year as she would be with £5,000 a-year.” I told him he should set
about getting married without a moment's delay; and more, that he should
with his young wife resolve to live on, at most, £100 a-year. I pitched
it in to him about his foolish and discontented state of mind. I pointed
him to several clusters of cottages we passed, where blithe, wives were
peeping from the doors, around which merry children were playing, and
asked him if he thought any of these people had £140 a-year. The youth
was silent; and the very next time I visited the town from which he
came, I heard from a great many sources that he was to be married
immediately. The young wife should send me quite a lump of her
bride’s-cake.
In telling these incidents I have no intention of saying that every
young man who has a pound a-week, or £140 a-year, should get married
directly. I only mean that the youths so situated, who have made
engagements with young ladies, have in their worldly circumstances no
excuse for delay; and so should set about buying their wedding rings
immediately; and if they jointly do their duty, in the days of other
years they will sing,—
"By working late and early, we’ve come to what you see;
For fortune throve beneath our han’, so eydent aye were we.
The lowe love mak’s labour light; I’m sure ye’ll find it sae,
As kind ye cuddle doon at e’en ’mang clean pease strae.”
Lest my shivering young
male friends think I am giving poetical counsel, I will give them
courage in a few facts.
Within a very short period I have taken tea in the houses of a large
manufacturer, a large iron-master, and a most extensive mill-owner; all
of whom were married when very young to penniless lasses; who have all
large families, and are each worth perhaps £100,000.
Having said this much for the guidance of young men on the way of life,
I must turn for a little to the ladies. I said already that it would be
well if women would temper their thoughts of love with cash
calculations. The young women who form the majority of my hearers are
generally members of families pretty well-to-do. In their homes they
have every comfort and many elegancies. Their work is often more
ornamental than useful. They have servants to perform for them all the
more toilsome of their domestic duties. If they marry they will expect
to live in a house at least as good as the one they at present occupy.
One servant will be indispensable. During the summer they will expect to
spend a short time at the sea-side, where they must have, at least, a
decent abode. In short, they will expeat to live in rather a snug way.
Well, I would think it profitable exercise for the young ladies of any
locality to meet together (privately, of course) and carefully
calculate—first, how many young ladies were in the district who would,
when married, require all the good things I have mentioned. Then they
should count how much money such comforts and elegancies would cost,
putting down so much for rent and taxes, so much for servants' wages and
keep, so much for fashionable clothing, so much for the summer jaunt,
and ditto ditto for one or two winter parties. As a doctor might be
required, it would be as well to allow a little for him, and a very
little for the support of religion; and, above all, don’t forget to
count the food, because the grocer, the baker, and the butcher, all
require money. When all these items are counted up and added, you will
have a very handsome sum. When you have arrived at the net amount—having
already written down the names of the young ladies whose husbands must
furnish them with that sum—write opposite each the name of a young man
of the district who has the requisite income. I fear that in most
districts the ladies would find that such well-to-do beaux were scarce;
and so they would resolve either to reduce the standard of their wants,
or resolve to die old maids. Except in cases where the husband has
really lots of money—I mean by that some thousands—I think every young
wife should be her own servant for the first season, at least; and then
a “ lassie to help to keep the wean” is quite enough of assistance for
any healthy woman. While the young husband is putting forth the strength
of his manhood to make, the young wife should be equally energetic to
save; and, besides the profit of serving one’s self, I should think the
pleasure of it was great. How sweet for the tired husband to be
ministered to by
“His ain kind dearie! ”
What a charming flavour the tea has that she makes! How nice the scones
that she bakes! And then, when the young wife is not “a’thegither
right,” what a splendid breakfast is it that the young guidman
prepares—the toast buttered on both sides! But never mind; it is
first-rate.
I hope the young ladies will excuse me for so lecturing them. I am
anxious to direct them happily on the way of life. And I know many
worthy young men avoid marriage just because women have learned to
demand far more than their mothers were well pleased with. One gentleman
writes to the Times the other day, stating that he is thirty-five years
of age, of average personal appearance, of gentlemanly manners and
pursuits, has been ten years established in a respectable business, has
from £350 to £400 a-year, and would marry if he could get a lady in his
own position to accept his hand, but he has been frequently refused. He
sends his most recent refusal, in which he is told by his fair
friend—who has no objection to himself—that she would require a husband
with at least £600 a-year. She tells him that she would require at least
£100 for dress, and so on. The gentleman adds: This lady is no
aristocrat, but lives in a very quiet way with an old aunt at Clapham
Road. What shall we say of such a case?
M Oh! may the stupid silly jade
Be single till she’s musty;
And at fourscore be still a maid—
The unmarried Miss M'Lusky.”
These extravagant notions are the curse of our times, and are the chief
source of all our other social evils. The ladies will require to take in
a reef, or we will have even more of those ugly customers—Bachelors. I
do not know how other men feel when they see a very extravagantly
dressed woman, married or single, but in my eyes the costly finery
always detracts from her appearance. I often think the finest sight in
nature is a family group of working-people enjoying their holiday: the
young mother with her infant at her breast; the young father proudly
carrying little Mary, while little Jack is trotting by his side,—all
evidently poor in world’s gear, but all clean, tidy, innocent, and
happy. One of the scenes I saw when recently on the Continent, which
dwells in my memory, bears on this subject. Having employed a guide to
show us some of the sights of Paris, he took us to various places, and
amongst the rest to a very gay place called the Garden of Flowers. It is
the chief resort of the too gay ladies of Paris. The place was
brilliantly illuminated with variegated lamps; there was veiy fine
music, and there was a large concourse of the votaries of sensuous
pleasures. Gay as the scene was, I thought the whole affair veiy ugly.
Somehow I had the power of stripping off the masks, and seeing the
entire miserable company as they were. The sight haunted me for some
time, and it looked hideous when contrasted with a scene I witnessed on
the day following. Passing through one of the chief squares, I saw,
descending the steps of a stately church, a bridal party. The bridegroom
was a handsome humble soldier. His bride was dressed in simple white:
the only covering of her head was a long white veil. The sun was falling
full upon them as they passed me, followed by their little band of
friends. They seemed to me a party
“Marching through Emmanuel’s ground,
To fairer worlds on high;”
while the Garden of Flowers I saw as the mouth of hell. Extravagance and
false show lead both men and women to the haunts of sin, while modest
self-denial and prudent economy lead to the greatest social bliss.
I do not believe that the acquirement of any great sum of money is at
all essential to the possession of happiness. Yet a moderate competence
is very desirable; and this we may, in the great majority of cases,
attain by industry, economy, and perseverance. I know of no other way in
which we are so sure to reach an honourable independence. We often hear
of men making large sums of money, and shortly after we see them
figuring in the Court of Bankruptcy. Real wealth is only created by the
diligent labour of either head or hands. Lucky speculations are
certainly balanced by speculations that are not lucky; and whether lucky
or unlucky, I would have the excitement of speculation avoided, as I
know it is certain to extinguish the purest, noblest, most disinterested
feelings of our nature. The speculator thinks only of himself and his
own concerns. How, I believe our happiness maybe largely multiplied by
our earnestly striving to add to the happiness of others. This idea is,
I am sorry to say, but little understood by the great mass of men. I
have, in all the various circles in which I have moved, seen men acting
as if they found pleasure in making their fellow-mortals miserable. When
I was very young I worked as a house carpenter, and have often seen poor
labouring men doing all they could to injure one another. It was a
regular practice amongst the labourers at a building, when any green
hand was added to their number, for Pat to give Barney the wink, and up
would come the barrow with a double load upon it. This would be
repeated, until the poor stranger, exhausted, threw down the “slings,”
or perhaps, desperate with his cruel treatment, blackened Barney’s eyes,
to learn him the way to fill the barrow for the next green boy that came
over. I have seen, too, in the workshop, amongst what should have been
more intelligent tradesmen, the same villanous conduct. When any new
hand entered the shop who did not please the taste of the old
ones—perhaps offending them by refusing to submit to some of their roles
anent entry-money or the like—I have seen in the momentary absence of
the stranger his job so transposed that the poor fellow was almost
certain to make a bungle of his work, and this trick the ignorant
blockhead who did it thought clever! Still further up I have seen the
same spirit manifested. I have seen in the counting-house, when a new
hand was to be initiated into the mysteries of “the Books,” the old
clerk craftily conceal some important book from the new-comer,'in order
that he might seem stupid in the eyes of their employer. I need hardly
add that such conduct is mean in the extreme; and will never give an
hour of true happiness to any one. We are always certain to gain by
being to every one as kind and obliging as possible. I do not say that
we will always meet with gratitude from those to whom we show kindness;
but of this I am certain, every kind act has its reward, even in this
world; and opportunities for the performance of kind actions are
constantly occurring. When, for instance, we may be working side by side
with one on whom the weight of years is beginning to tell, it is not the
smartest thing we can do, when he falls in any way behind, to call him “
a useless old blockhead.” Years are rapidly creeping over us all. Let
us, then, never be wanting in the respect due to age; so that, as a
right, we may expect kindly courtesy when we descend into the vale of
years. It does not take much breath to tell an old man that he is
“looking fresh.” It is as easily said as “You are failing, I see, Tammas,”
and yet it produces a much more pleasing feeling in the party to whom it
is spoken. I would not have you become flatterers. No; but I would have
you on all occasions to speak the truths that are flattering, and leave
unspoken the truths the expression of which will give unnecessary pain.
Were this policy generally adopted, the wheels of life would turn much
more smoothly with us. The most certain way in which we can extend the
sum total of human happiness is by constantly respecting the feelings of
our own immediate neighbours. When, for instance, we come in contact
with a workmate whom we find rather glum, it is not right to conclude
that he is a sour sulky fellow, and to treat him accordingly. No; we
ought rather to reflect that he has perhaps left a sick wife at home, or
has perhaps a darling child in danger; and so we ought to speak to him
softly. When we think that he should tell us frankly what is his
distress, we ought to remember that any real trouble which deeply
affected our own hearts was not much spoken of.
Having said this much in recommending the spirit of kindness to
neighbours, I presume you take it for granted that I hold it the bounden
duty of every man to do his very utmost to make his own home a paradise.
I know of nothing that does such honour to a man as a smiling wife and
sportive children. A bachelor may have a passable apology in happy
sisters; but a contented wife and merry children are the real evidence
that a man is of the right stuff. You all know, of course, that this
harmony of human life is a trio in which husband, wife, and children
must all sustain their respective parts. If the quality of the music
would be kept up, the husband leads off in a fine tenor: the chief tone
is a good regular pay, every farthing of which is handed to the wife
with a smile on the pay-night. The wife strikes in with the air, which
takes form in a clean fireside, a comfortable, well-cooked meal, and a
happy, smiling face. The children supply the other portions of the
harmony—clean, rosy cheeks held up to be kissed, attention to lessons
for school, and cheerful obedience to parents. Where all these parts are
sustained, there is true melody, pleasing to man and grateful to God.
But how very easily this fine harmony is spoiled. Every wife cannot be
entrusted with her husband’s entire earnings. Where this is the case,
woe is me for the happiness of that family! And then some husbands, who
have good wives, need money to sport with boon companions. Alas, for the
happiness of that household! But we will not enter on such serious
matters here. Often, where there is nothing criminally wrong, the family
harmony is spoiled for want of a little considerate kindness. Bad blood
sometimes gets up in something like this way. When Mr. Smith was first
presented with his little daughter he looked disappointed, and said he
thought she was of the Red Indian tribe. Mrs. Smith was offended, and
not long after, when returning from a walk with her husband, seeing
grandmother holding up the baby to the window, Mrs. Smith said, “ It is
a very plain child that, and it is terribly like the Smiths.” This stuck
in Mr. Smith’s throat for years. It was only when the child had
developed into a charming little beauty that both parents were ashamed
of their folly. A man should let too word escape his lips that will in
any way give his wife pain, and a wife should be as careful what she
says to her husband as she was that night when she expected he was going
to pop the question. Mr. Brown sometimes pleased his wife in something
like this way. Mrs. Brown had got a new, highly fashionable bonnet,
which she put on, and asked how Mr. Brown liked it Mr. Brown did not
like it; and so, looking in Mm Brown’s face, he said, “A bonny bride is
easily buskit.” Mm Brown was, of course, highly pleased, and the bonnet
scene wound up with a practical illustration of
"Kiss me quick and go, my honey!”
While acting on all occasions so as to manifest kindness of heart, we
should at the same time do our utmost continually to exhibit a pleasant
cheerfulness of manner. A gloomy saint does as much harm in the world as
a merry sinner. Children often utter the thoughts upon which men and
women silently act. This was the case with the boy whose father was a
sulky saint The child, seated on his mother’s knee, after thinking for a
long time, said, “Mamma, will papa go to heaven? because if he does, I
do not want to go.” This child gave honest expression to a very natural
and proper feeling—a desire to avoid ugly gloom, in the presence of
which all that is charming dies. One way to keep up our spirits is to
think often on the goodness of God, and to keep counting the many
blessings he is daily and hourly bestowing upon us; and to all men and
women who think aright, every season of the year, and every hour of the
day, will appear radiant with good things coming direct to us from His
hand. These blessings it is our duty to acknowledge gratefully, in
blithe looks and merry words. We ought to be continually, by our life
and conversation, enforcing on the downcast in spirit the truth
contained in the lines,—
"Ye fearfnl saints, fresh courage take. The clouds ye so much dread Are
big with mercies, and will break In blessings on your head! ”
A cheerfulness of manner and a kindly consideration for the feelings of
others will be found advantageous in even a worldly point of view. I do
not believe in the old saw, “There is no friendship in trade.” There
should be as much friendship in trade as possible; and the more brains
and heart that traders have, they will in proportion infuse the more
kindly feeling into their business transactions. I will show you (in
confidence) the friendly way of buying and selling cheese.
Having gone to the country to purchase, I was directed to a farmhouse
where the kane was for sale. It was the farmer’s first year of the farm,
and he had not yet met with a cheese merchant. The cheese were the first
ever made by the farmer’s young wife. Both husband and wife received me
very kindly. I was at once shown into the cheese^house, the farmer
accompanying me, while I noticed the young good wife stood in the
passage, listening, I knew, tremblingly, for the verdict of the stranger
merchant on the first cheese she had made. I examined the cheese
carefully: they were not first-rate, but were a fair article. They were
kept in a newly plastered house, and that was against them. After due
deliberation, I said, “The cheese are very good, and if we can agree
about the price I will buy them.” The young wife now ventured into the
cheese-house. There was a grateful look on her face. She said the cheese
would have been better had it not been for the new house. I said they
were very good. The husband, in stating the price, said, “My brother got
56s. per cwt. for his, and I would not like my goodwife to get less.” I
said I was going to offer 54s.; but, and I whispered in the husband’s
ear, “You will give me the difference in a luck-penny?* He nodded
assent. “ Well,” said I, “ I will take the cheese at 56s., and you can
be as good to me with a luck-penny as you like.” The farmer, when he
delivered the cheese, spoke to me as an old friend, and told me 1 was a
very great favourite with his wife. The selling department is made
equally pleasant. In recommending the cheese I tell the story of the way
in which they were bought, and being good value, they are easily sold —
more than one purchaser remarking, “If your cheese should be no better
than your neighbours’, your good humour gives them an additional flavour.”
Now, this kindly, happy spirit may be carried into every department of
trade.
When shabby or dishonourable people are met with, a kindly spirit may be
exhibited by telling them, in the plainest English, of their dishonesty,
and then having done with them. I have once or twice found it my duty to
tell a man that I thought he was not honourable with me, and in every
case I believe I did him good. We must, however, be very careful to
discriminate between errors of judgment and errors of intention. Errors
of judgment must be patiently borne with, while intentional errors must
be treated with that kind of sharp rap on the knuckles which will learn
the offender never to do the like again.
Old age is said to be our second childhood. However this may be, I feel
I must here treat it as I treated childhood— that is, I must speak of
it, not to it. The aged are rarely amongst my hearers, and so what I
have to say of age must be said to one and all who are right on the way
to the vale of years. There is no more heavenly sight on earth than a
venerable couple, who look back to the fragrant memories of a well-spent
life, and forward to an early entrance on the enjoyments of eternal
life. We can all call to our remembrance some such pair whom we have had
the pleasure of knowing, and we can remember that their influence on all
around was holy. Many of us, too, can call to mind bad old men and women
whom we have known. How we turn in disgust from a dirty old man! how
ugly in our sight is a greedy old man! and how utterly abominable do we
hold a lecherous old manl Every sin in years grows more ugly.
Well, let both men and women bear in mind that what we are in youth we
will become more strikingly in age. Let the young woman given to being
slovenly take a lesson every time she meets a dirty old hag. Let the
young man who is too anxious to save money examine himself every time he
meets with a miserable, narrow-hearted, rich old man. And so with all
the vices of our nature. Let us pluck them up by the roots in the days
of our youth, that so our better natures may flourish in age. The lives
of all men and women should be such that every old lady should be able
to sing, with Mrs. Anderson,
“John Anderson my Jo, John,
We’ve seen our bairns’ bairns,
And yet, my dear John Anderson,
I’m happy in your arms!
And sae are ye in mine, John;
I’m sure ye’ll ne’er say no, '
Though the days are gane that we ha’e seen, t
John Anderson, my jo.”
We feel quite sure Mrs. Anderson was not addicted to snuff, and that
John was a cleanly old man. Let us, then, all through life, steer our
course so that when we enter the vale of years we may take with us
pleasant memories, virtuous desires, cleanly habits, and truly Christian
charity, which all through life we can, with the help of God, strengthen
in our souls, by the practice of the golden rule of Christianity—“Do
unto others as ye would that others should do unto you.”
If we cherish in our hearts true love for all our fellow-beings, our
conduct in life will be regulated by the rudder of the heart, and we
will cross life’s main, our sails filled with the breezes of happiness,
and leave behind us a track on the water so bright with the undying
lustre of goodness that all who come after will bless our steering, our
way of life being found, when followed under the guidance of the good
Pilot, the most direct course to the haven of the better land. |