All being removed by three generations because
of the schooling at Chilocco, myself, my mother and my grandmother it must
be understood what I know as to family of the Native American is greatly
lacking as to a total history. Taking a child away as was my grandmother
at four years of age from the structure of the home, family and tribe
deprived our generations from the culture of their ancestors. The elders
made valiant efforts to bring their ways to the children. They could not
compete with their powerful competitors. These lost methods of ways to
deal with the world around them I believe is what has thrown our people
into the heavy use of alcohol and substance abuse. The school was there
for the youth up until they graduated. They were then thrown back into the
real world. This was a place full of difficult problems hard for learned
people of even our day to cope.
GRANDMOTHER and GRANDFATHER
As understood were the anchors of the family. I have seen aged
grandmothers' with little physical strength staying close to
grandchildren. Maybe she could do little more than be placed at a location
where the children were playing. Sometimes, though, this was enough to
keep a tragedy from happening. Believe me, she or he, had a voice and it
could be heard if there was a child in danger.
One gentleman, who knows Native Americans'
well, made the comment, "Oh, I know those Indian Grandmother and
Grandfather's, as to their role with grandchildren." Today's higher
learning calls this, co-dependant speaking jargon as to indicate
manipulation and control. I call it practical. Believe me if a bear was
tearing down a hillside ready to pounce on anything and anyone in its path
it was a good thing for the children to hear a warning and obey.
Naturally, the Natives would use everything
and everyone without wasting something of value. In this case, the thing
of value is the older person. Now that our Native grandparents are
themselves well educated and striving to live within those boundaries of
conscience they often find themselves torn between the white man's
education, and the whispered memories to what they know and feel is right
for them. Creating greater problems, of course, is the totally
Americanized Native American grandchild who knows nothing of what the old
culture was. Fortunately within their mind is something letting them
understand. These children schooled here in a new society which tries to
"even" out the differences in people, not allowing them to go to their own
gifts in order to develop what is reserved admittedly for the children of
the new wealth. This philosophy would work if not for the persistent thing
called genes, which, too often, will out. If not, then the turning to
drugs or alcohol to anaesthetize these ancient qualities of strength,
imagination and creativity. These feelings, can be undeveloped and caged
with drugs as if there is something wrong about the creative abilities. An
outdated educational system forced, overloaded with too much placed on
teachers to become parents as well as watchdogs for child abuse, to
educate the populace makes this a difficult world for not only Native
American generations but others as well.
FATHER
This is something I cannot say much about because my father was
Scot-Irish. Although somewhere in his history there were Native
grandparents and he was raised with the Osage. Just from observation I was
aware the Ponca woman was the matriarch in some families. Not to say the
men were not strong. This would be a very wrong impression to leave,
because they were incredibly strong.
The only reference to draw on was an
incident with the brother of my grandmother, David Little Cook. He was,
without any question, the head of the house. This is what gives me a
problem with the historian saying the Ponca culture was matriarchal. To
illustrate my point I tell this story. The agent came one day for some
business with David's wife as to her land. The agent did not want to speak
to Uncle David but to Marion, his wife. Uncle David was highly insulted
and threatened to do bodily harm to the agent. The agent turned the matter
over to the district attorney. It was only with my mother's acting as a
diplomat was she able to keep my great-uncle from serious trouble. After
the meeting Uncle David was more interested in the fact that mother could
speak so fluently as to acting as interpreter. Mother said she found it
frustrating because he was chuckling about his not know she spoke Ponca so
well and was not even worried about the seriousness of the other
circumstances.
MOTHER
In a world becoming increasingly changed, somehow, Mother remained
just as she wished to be, American Indian. She always made it clear, "I am
an Indian." For all that I am here to witness to the fact that she was. My
father was most tolerant and allowed her to go about her business with her
culture and never complained. Occasionally, he would make a little joke.
For instance, if one would ask, "Where is Mother?" He would reply, "She's
taking her dancing lesson." This meant she was attending a dance. Or he
might say, "Just on the fringes," and we knew it was to some Native
function requiring a shawl with fringes.
For all that is shared with you at this
time, indeed, has been learned at great expense, and this is meant
literally. There is a common saying, "It isn't easy to be an Indian," and
this is the testimony. Every part of the customs we know has been learned
through practice. It was more difficult for my mother because my dad was
not Native. He did not hamper or hold Mother from her people, in fact, he
was a gracious host to them. Let's face it, there were just some things he
did not know, or if he did know, he wasn't in agreement with them because,
they came into conflict with his own Christian faith, which was so very
strong.
Only recently when Mother was asked to
speak before a group of Native Americans' who were Senators, Lawyers,
Teachers, Executives it was my brother who is totally fair and blond
haired she took with her. I was not invited and I regret this because
certainly it would have seem to it Mother's speech was recorded. However,
I understand. As the Native American begins to age there is something in
their culture to hold to what they know and let it die with them. This is
so unfortunate, but understandable. When a person has lived a whole life
time doing battle in a world where they are an island it is difficult to
do as Christians are supposed to do, "love your enemies," or "do good to
those who persecute you."
This is why I'm thankful for this
opportunity to tell what little I know, because very soon, there will be
no more. Even as I write so much of the basic standards have been put away
as our folks go into the world around them. Some say this is good, but I
along with my Mother will never believe this to be so.
SONS
Having five brothers of two different backgrounds, those of my older
brothers having a German descendant for mother and my own Native American
one have to understand the melting pot's working in my own environment.
Just as when we attended Chilocco everything became at a personal level so
it is with my family. What hurts a brother or a sister hurts the sibling
as well.
Therefore, one becomes very aware of any
racial problems. Mother taught my brother's, I'm sure, the way they were
to behave as Native Americans but, on the other hand, there was my father,
always insisting on the strong teachings of Christ. Some of the things I
can remember as to Mother's Native American teaching are:
Being tutored by the grandfather, even
though he was "white." This is where the culture of the Jones's was
instilled into my brothers. Grandfather Joseph Hubbard Jones had a strong
culture as well on which to draw. If nothing else, my brothers, would have
learned from his example, because Mother insisted on their close
association with him.
Insistence on the boys knowing, and
practicing the Native culture as far as she could push in upon their
Christian trained conscience. This is the voluntary, monetary support of
the many and varied duties with the tribe as to death's of family and very
extended family, dances, pow-wows, support to family members' seeking
counsel positions. All these duties require donation on every side by
family and some way or another it gets done, but it is a taught duty as to
proper etiquette and understanding as to what to do and when. To the
visitor of these occasions it all looks like just a "feast" or just a "pow-wow."
They have no understanding of the great amount of work to go on in the
background. In this area since the development of the "Standing Bear
Project," many White folks are learning and one must say they have learned
a greater respect for our culture. The picture in my family's history
showing the daughter with the mark on their forehead was observed by a
Ponca man. His statement, "They earned that." I am to agree, "Indeed they
did."
DAUGHTERS
Have varied duties according to their place by age. The heaviest
responsibility placed on the eldest gave her the learning to pass her
knowledge on down to the younger as they became willing to accept
responsibilities and duties. The rub comes for those living in this
society when the old ways are no longer accepted and when they are
actually being adulterated with a blending of the two cultures. Unless one
has strong guidance and can willingly, diligently strive to educate
oneself of many cultures, including Hebrew, Hindu, Buddhist, or anyone
else's faith as to the basis of their psychic living, but still holding to
one's own faith, the melting pot can bubble and boil like a caldron.
In this way one is true to their own
Christian teaching of "turning the other cheek," not getting into a fight
and destroying good relations when one has simply been "slapped," and not
bludgeoned, with religious differences, be they Native American or any
other. This is the difficult place, Native American women are held today.
Some turn completely to the world of the people around them, other blend
it in with the other culture, some turn back to their old ways, others
become alcoholic, and shut everything out completely.
UNCLES
Have a role in the family. They are as responsible to the children as
much as the father as far as emotional and mental support is involved. The
teaching of the child especially in crisis situations is upon their
shoulders, at least in the days of old. Without this understanding and
knowledge, even though the basic love is there, the circumstances as far
as jobs, living conditions, distances, and all parts of modern living
hamper this part of the culture. In addition, this is becoming less and
less cultivated and refined with method even though the elders made every
effort to save it. Some of the joys of having an Uncle were that a girl
was given a special place in his world with him becoming her confidant and
support emotionally and financially in times of need. I don't know about
the man's role with his aunts. In remembering my aunt, I believe it was
also a strong relationship, since her land was left to her nephew.
AUNTS and SISTERS
Were a very vital part of every family. If something happened to their
sister then it was their duty to take the children to raise. Even if
nothing happened and a child was particularly fond of an aunt, they might
go to live with her. Especially, if she was more financially stable and
could offer them benefits they needed as far as living closer to a school.
These sisters were a great help in working and providing for the whole
family. This was in the older times. However, some people still adheres to
the principles as much as they can under the conditions in which we now
live
ADOPTION
Was widely practiced by the Ponca Tribe of American. The person
adopted became as well versed in the family's duties and culture as
anyone. There were those who were adopted in principle only. Physically,
they stayed with family, but someone else "took them" as their own
providing for them financially as they would be their own children. These
relationships lasted for a person's whole life. A love for the adopted
person was developed and this was acceptable. With these practices the
grief of taxes, materialism, poverty was something unknown. |