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1.
Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold
northerly wind, is your idea of good weather.
2.
The
only sausage you like is square.
3.
You
were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year
at high school.
4.
You
have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty
is an idiot, Aye is yes, Aye right is No, Auldjin is
someone over 40, and Baltic is cold.
5.
You
have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy,
as long as its deep fried - Haggis, pizza, white
pudding, sausage, fish, chicken and battered Mars Bars.
6.
You
used to love destroying your teeth with - Penny
Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes, and Soor Plooms.
7.
You
always greet people by talking about the weather.
8.
Even
if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia,
Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when
they are played in a club abroad. (in fact you'll
probably ask the DJ to play it)
9.
You
have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotland
play a diddy team.
10.
You
are proud that Scotland has the highest number of
alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe.
11.
You
used to watch Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a
Sunday Afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.
12.
You
got Oor Wullie and The Broons books Every Christmas.
13.
You
only enjoy Weir's Way on the telly, when you are pissed.
14.
You
are able to recognise the regional dialect, (Glasgow) 'Awright
pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper Nat, Cheers,
magic pal. (Aberdeen) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin
up tae? Fair few quines in the night, min. (Inverness)
Ah-eee right enuffff! How's you keeeepeeeen?
15.
You
know the police are about to arrive when you hear
someone shout-Errapolis.
16.
You
have witnessed a 'Square Go'
17.
You
know that when you are asked which School you attended
they really mean, 'Are you Catholic or Proddy?'
18.
You
have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen
Skink, Tunnock's Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers,
Porrige, Macaroon Bar, Baxter's Soup, Scotch Pie,
Oatcakes.
19.
A
Jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.
20.
You
wait at the shop counter for 1p change.
21.
You
know that the right response to 'you dancing?' is 'you
askin?' followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am !
dancin'.
22.
You
associated sawdust with vomit, coz the 'jannie' always,
used to pour it over sick in school.
23.
You
lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.
24.
You
don't do shopping, you 'go for the messages.'
25.
You're
on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.
26.
You
are able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using three
words only,-- Awright, aye, and naw.
27.
When
you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, ' You no
well?'
28.
You
have heard the following:
You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat,
700 hungry weans'll testify! to that,
If its butter, cheese or jelly,
If the breed is plain or pan,
The odds against reaching earth,
Are ninety nine tae wan.
Or any song by Gaberlunzie.
29.
You
know that going to a party means bringin a Kerry oot.
30.
Your
holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a
heatwave back home.
31.
Scotland
go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think,
getting beat 3-2 was 'no a bad result'.
32.
You
can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and
Kirkcaldy.
33.
You
love deep fried Pizza.
34.
You
can't pass a Kebab shop after being at the pub.
35.
You
are used to four seasons in one day. (winter, winter,
autumn, winter)
36.
You
can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.
37.
You
see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories,
and think 'that's class'.
38.
You
measure distance in minutes.
39.
You
understand Rab C. Nesbitt.
40.
You go
to Saltcoats because you think its abroad.
41.
You
can make a whole sentence using only swear words.
42.
You
know what haggis is made with, but you still enjoy it! .
43.
You
know someone who planned their wedding around the
football fixtures.
44.
You
have been to a wedding and the football results have
been announced in church.
45.
You
are not surprised to find one shop selling ALL of the
following: Pizzas, Nappies, Fags, Curries, Milk, Paint,
Shoes etc.
46.
Your
seaside home has Calor gas under it.
47.
You
know that Irn-Bru is a good hang over cure.
48.
You
could swear before you could count.
49.
You
would 'nut' a terrorist if they tried to bomb your
Airport.
50.
You
are not only Scottish but Glaswegian when you understand
the following- How's it hingin', clatty, boggin',
cludgie, Ba'heid, bawbag, and double nougat.
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