Humour Stories from Iain in Scotland

THIEVING WEEGIES

If you see a Weegie on a bicycle, why should you never swerve and hit him?

It could be your bike.

An Edinbugger woman commented that whenever an Edinburgh citizen wears something expensive, it looks old,

however when a Weegie does it looks stolen.

What's the difference between Batman and a Weegie?

Batman is able to go out without robbin'.

What did the wee Weggie laddie get for Christmas?

Your bike.

IN THE INTEREST OF BALANCE, [but not much].

A Weegie out for a walk down by the river Clyde saw an Edinbugger on the opposite bank.

'Hello there' she shouts, 'how can I get to the other side?'

Looking up and down the river the Weegie shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side'

In the early wee small hours at an hotel in Edinburgh during the festival the young lady at reception was confronted by a well dressed but seriously pissed Weegie guest who stumbled down from the second floor and saying in front of her said " Haw hen, gonnae geez anurra rrom?"

"Well sir," she replied, "we're a bit crowded as its the festival so I don't know whether I could shift you immediately. It's pretty late you know"

"Mmm'shory" said the guest courteously but slightly loder, " I repeat - gonnae geez anurra room?"

"Why what's the matter isn't the room I gave you comfortable?" she asked.

"Sheems awright" admitted the Weegie guest, "Nev'less naidtaebe mooved"

"Well, what's the matter with your room?" she asked exasperated by now.

Leaning forward conspiritorially the Weegie bent forward clutching the reception counter he said to her in a conspiritorial whisper, "Shh'oan fire!"

Pissed as newts two drunks get thrown out of the pub into the Edinburgh Grass Market - one Weegie one Edinbugger, and hanging on to each other they just make it to gutter for a communal throw up when one of them spots an old metal pot dropped by one of the many Antique dealers there abouts.

Curiosity got the better of them so the Weegie gives it a good rub to see if it might be worth a pound or two only to stagger back when a Genie pops out.

The Genie looks at them in disgust and says, "all right you worthless drunken sods you can have one wish each" Ever the gentleman the Weegie turns to the Edinbugger and says " you can gang furst big man" after a moment to think about it the Edinbugger's guddled brain lights up and he says, "I want a great big stane wall 10 feet high built all the way round Edinburgh to keep they we drunken keelies frae Glasgae oot ma toon"

The Genie says "done laddie and what do you want you wee Glasgae bouchle" For a while there was silence and then the Weegies face lit up, " a want yous tae fill it right tae the top."

Twa Weegies go into a pup and bright and cheerie like demand doubles, the barman senses they're in a good mood and asks them what there are celebrating, the first one says "we just finished a 100 piece jig saw puzzle man" so the barman ask how long it took to do, the second Weegie proud as punch says " six months!"

The barman replies that's a hellova long time surely, but the first Weegie says "nae really, it says 3 to 5 years on the box"