It was one cold
November morning, on the day of an intended voyage, when Mrs M‘Cosey,
my landlady, tapped at my bed-chamber door, informing me that it was
"braid day light;” but on reaching the caller air I found, by my
watch and the light of the moon, that I had full two hours to spare
for such sublunary delights as such a circumstance might create. A
traveller, when he has once taken his leave, and rung the changes of
"farewell,” "adieu,” "good-bye,” and "God bless you,” on the
connubial and domestic harmonies of his last lodgings, will rather
hazard his health by an exposure to the "pelting of the pitiless
storm," for a handful of hours, than try an experiment on his
landlady’s sincerity a second time, within the short space of the
same moon. If casualty should force him to make an abrupt return,
enviable must be his feelings if they withstand the cold unfriendly
welcome of "Ye’re no awa yet!” delivered by some quivering Abigail,
in sylvan equipment, like one of Dian’s foresters, as she slowly and
uninvitingly opens the creaking door—a commentary on the forbidding
salute. He enters, and the strong. caloric now beginning to thaw his
sensibilities, he makes for his room, which lie forgets is no longer
‘his’; when, though he be still in the dark, he has no need of a
candle to enable him to discover that some kind remembrancer has
already been rummaging his corner cupboard, making lawful seizure
and removal ("‘convey’ the wise it call”) of the contents of his
tea-caddy, butter-kit, sugar-bowl, and "comforter;” to which he had
looked forward, on his return, as a small solace for the
disappointment of the morning, affording him the means of knocking
up a comfortable "check,” without again distressing the exchequer.
I had therefore determined not to return to Mrs M‘Cosey’s; for
"frailty, thy name is woman;” and I felt myself getting into a sad
frame of mind, as I involuntarily strolled a considerable distance
along the high road, pondering on the best means of walking "out of
the air,” as Hamlet says, when, as the moon receded behind a black
cloud, my head came full butt against a wall; the concussion making
it ring, till I actually imagined I could distinguish something like
a tune from my brain. Surely, said I, this is no melody of my
making; as I now heard, like two voices trolling a merry stave--
“Duncan’s comin', Donald’s comin’, &c.”
Turning round to the direction from whence the sound seemed to
proceed, I perceived I was in the neighbourhood of the "Auld Kirk
Yard ;” where, by the light from his lantern, I could discover the
old grave-digger at work--his bald head, with single white and
silvery-crisped forelock, making transits over the dark line of the
grave, like a white-crested dove, or a sea-gull, flaunting over the
yawning gulf.
One stride, and I had cleared the wall of the Auld Kirk Yard.
"You seem merry, old boy !—You are conscious, I presume, that this
world has few troubles that can affect you in your present
situation—the grave.”
"I was takin’ my medicine to keep my heart up, sir; but I wasna
merry: yet I’m content wi’ my station, and am a thocht independent.
I court the company o’ nae man alive; I boo to nae man breathin’—I
quarrel nane wi’ my neebours;—yet am I sought after by high and low,
rich and puir; the king himsel maun come under my rule—this rod of
airn ;—though I’m grown frail and feckless afore my time : for
healthy as my looks be, I’rn aye, aye at death’s door; our work, ye
see, sir, ’s a’ below the breath; and that’s a sair trade for takin’
the wind oot o'a body. Then, I hae my trials,—sair visitations, sic
as fa’ to the lot o’ nae man on this side the grave but mysel! It's
true, that when the wind gaes round merrily to the east, I get a sma’
share o’ what’s gaun ; but just look at that yird, sir, — as bonnie
a healthy yird as ane could delight to lie in;—neist, look at that
spear,—a fortnight’s rust upon that dibble! Mind, I downa complain
;— ‘Live, and let live, say I
"But what’s the use of talkin’ sae to a life-like, graceless,
thochtless, bairn-getting parish ?—the feck o’ whom, after having
lived on the fat o’ the kintraside, naething will sair, but they
maun gang up to the town to lay their banes amang the gentles, and
creesh some hungry yird wi'their marrow ! The fa’ o’ the leaf is
come and gane ; an’ saving some twa or three consumptions—for whilk
the Lord be thankit, as a sma’ fend---tak the parish a’ ower
head—frae head to tail—and for ane that gaes out at my gate-end,
ye’ll find a score come in at the howdie’s ! ”
‘Damna famae majora quam quae aestimari possint.’
(The loss of reputation is greater than can be reckoned.)
"I hae lost my Gaelic: sir; but ye speak like a sensible man. The
fame o’ the place is just as ye say, there’s
ower mony ‘merry pows in’t.’ But see, there is a sober pow, wi'a
siller clasp on’t.
"With all due gravity, may I ask, whose property was that ? ”
"Hech, man! that’s a skeigh tune for a dry whistle; sae, gin ye
please, we’ll tak our morning first."
So saying, he took his spade, and cutting steps in the side of the
grave he was digging, he mounted to the surface ; then, walking off
a few paces, I saw him strike some dark substance lying on a flat
stone; when, to my astonishment, a Flibbertigibbet-looking creature
unrolled itself, from a rnortcloth, at my feet.
"Hannibal Grub, my ’prentice, sir, at your service. —Hawney, tak the
shanker ower to Jenny Nailor’s, an'
bring a dooble-floorer to the gentleman; an', hear ye, say it’s for
the minister’s wife—fourpenny strunt, Grub, mind--nae pinchin’. If
ye meet his reverence, honest man, tell him ye’re gaun for oil to
the cruizie.”
"That auld wizzened pow is a’ that’s left o'the Laird o’ Nettleriggs.
It was lying face down, when I cam till’t this morning, maist
horrif`u’ to see; for he mann hae turned in his kist, or been buried
back upwards! It was ae blawy, sleety nicht, about this time twal-year,
when I was sent for express to speak wi’ the laird. Thinkin’ that he
maybe wanted the family lair snodded out, or a new coat o’ paint to
the staunchels, I set out without delay. I had four mile o’ gate to
gang on a darksome dreary road, an’ I couldna but say that I felt
mair eerie than I had ever felt in my ain plantin’, amang honest
folk. Sae, wi’ your leave, I’ll just put in ane o’ Jenny’s screws,
afore I gae ony farther. Here’s wishing better acquaintance to us,
sir.—Is this frae the ‘ Broon Coo,’ Grub?"
"Ay !"groaned an unearthly voice, as if the "Broon Cow"herself had
spoken.
"Weel, I gaed, an’ I better gaed. ‘The wind blew as ’twad blawn its
last;’ the fitfu’ changes o’ the shrouded moon threw flitting
shadows across my path ; —whiles like a muckle colley, and syne as
if I stood on the brink o’ a dreadfu’ precipice, when I wad then
stand still, till the moon shone again. The bleach-field dogs sent
round their lang, uncanny bodings ; the vera cocks crawed,—sic
horror had the time; the last leaves o’ hairst were driftin’ an’
clatterin’ amang my feet—whiles hittin’ me like a whup on the face ;
or tappin’ me on the back, as if ane wad say, ‘Saunders, this is
death!’ when I wad then stand stock-still again, my knees fechtin’
an’ thumpin’ at ane anither, and my teeth gaun like a watchman’s
rattle; while noos and thans, the wind wad howl and birr, as if the
Prince o'Air himsel were pipin’ to the clouds. I ne’er doubted thae
things to be the bodings o’ death ; but I thocht sic feydoms might
hae been better wared on a muckle better man than me. At length I
got to the house-door, as the laird’s messan began to bark.
"‘Look to the door, Peggy !’ quo’ the gudewife.
"‘Ay, mither. Jock, look to the door for your mither, will ye no?’
"‘Look till’t yersel! Can I gang, when I’m greetin’ this way
?—Pate—look to the door !’ .
"‘I’m greetin’ too,’ says Pate.
"‘Peggy Mucklewham, will ye no look to the door, for your deein’
faither’s sake ? ’
"‘Tuts! ’ quo’ Peggy, ‘ Can ye not get up yersel—fashin’ folk ?’
"Weel, I then got entrance—the sneck being cannily lifted, an’ the
bairns makin’ a breenge into a hidin’ corner, until, by the light o’
the fire, they kent my face.
"‘Ou, it’s auld Saunders, as sure as death. Ay, man, my faither’s
real ill--he’s just gaspin,’ and that’s a’! Hear till that—that’s
him whistlin’ ! Hae ye no brought Towzie wi’ ye? Man, Pate and me
wad hae’n sic grand fun chasin’ the mawkins, when my mither’s at the
kirk the morn.’
"‘Are ye sorry to lose your faither, bairnies?’ quo’ I.
"‘ Ou, ay,’ quo’ Pate, ‘but I dinna like to look at him, he maks sic
awfu’ faces, man; but I hae been thrang greetin’, sin’ four o’ clock
even on—twice as muckle’s Jock ! ’
"A lang deep groan now was heard from out o’ the spence, whaur the
laird was lying ; and the bairnies, in a fricht, ran screeching to
anither apartment, leaving the youngest wean by the fireside, rowed
in ane o’ the auld man’s black coats.
"‘Gude save us, lammie !’ quo’ I, ‘is there naebody tending your
puir auld faither? Whaur’s uncle, larnmie? and aunty? and your
minnie, lammie? ’ I mind weel the bit bairnie’s answer-- "Unkey a’
doon—aunty a'doon—daddy a’ doon ! ’
“Mrs Mucklewham was a stout buirdly quean, like a house-end; and the
laird was just a bit han’fu’ o’ a cratur—a bit saxteen-to-tbe-
dizzen body. They were a pair o’whom it was said, by the kintraside,
that they had married afore they had courted. The laird was an auld
man when he brought hame a woman thirty years younger than himsel
;-—auld folk are twice bairns, and he was beginning to need nursing.
It’s wonderfu’ to think how little a matter hinders gentle-bred folk
frae getting on in the warld ! A’ that Jenny Screameger wantit o’
the complete leddy was the bit dirty penny siller ; an’ sae they
were joined thegither, without its ever being mentioned in the
contract, or understood, that they bound and obliged themselves to
hae a heart-liking for ane anither !
"She had been keepit by the gudeman geyan short by the tether; sae
as her hale life was made just a dull round till her—o’ rising and
lying down—eating, drinking, and sleeping--feeding the pigs, milking
the cow—flyting the servant — and skelping the weans a’ round
;—unless when she dreamed o’ burials, or saw a spale at the
candle—or heard o’ a murder committed in the neighbourhood-—or a
marriage made or broken atf—or a criminal to suffer on the gallows;
till at her advanced time o’ life it was grown just as neccessar’
that food should be gotten for her mind’s maintenance, as it was for
her body’s.
"‘This is a sair time for ye, Mrs Mucklewhanmf quo’ I, as she cam
ben frae her bedroom gauntin’.
"‘Hey! ho! hy! Saunders—I haena closed an ee thae twa lang nichts !
But I hear there’s something gaun to be dune noo—Hey! Ho! hy !’
"I stappit ben wi’ her to the laird’s room ; and I saw in his face
he was bespoken. Everything was laid out in the room, comfortable
and in apple-pie order, befitting the occasion. The straughtin’
board, on whilk his death’s ee was fixed, stood up against the wa’ ;
here lay a bowt o’ tippeny knittin’ for binding his limbs, and as
mony black preens as wad hae stockit a shop; there hung his dead
shirt, o’ new hamespun claith, providently airing afore the fire.
"‘Gin ye be thrang, Saunders, ye needna wait on the gudeman—ye ken
his length—and gie him a deep biel,’ quo’ the gudewife ; when just
as I laid my hand upon his brow, he fixed his ee upon me like a
hawk; an’ after anither kirkyard groan—the like I never heard from
mortal man—he seemed reviving, an’ new strength to be filling his
limbs, as he rose up on his elbow, on the bed, and laid his other
hand on mine--sic an icy hand as I never felt abune grund I —thus
speaking to me in his seeming agony:
"‘Saunders, do not pray for me; I have been long a dead man ; lay
your hand upon my bosom, and you will feel the flames of hell
ascending to my soul !’ I laid my hand upon his heart, and I
declare, sir, I thocht the flesh wad hae cindered aff the
finger-banes! The heat was just awfu’!
"‘I was made life-renter of a sum which at my decease descends to
the younger branches of my father’s family; and my life has been
miserable to myself—a burden to others—and my death the desire of my
kindred !’
"‘He’s raving, Saunders-—he’s clean raving! An’ I canna persuade him
he’s a deein’ man,’ quo’ Mrs Mucklewham, as she stapped forrit wi’ a
red bottle, to gie him a quatenin’ dram.
"‘Haud, hand l’ quo’ I, ‘he’ll do without it,’as the laird, raising
his voice, began again to speak :
"‘I had but one friend in the world,—the highwayman that robbed me,
and then laid my skull open with
the butt-end of his whip ;—would to God he had made me a beggar, and
saved my soul! I had no worse wish to bestow on him than that he
might be a life-renter for his poor relations. - Saunders, look on
the face of that un-feeling wornan—more horrible to me than death
itself ;—look on my deserted death-bed, and my chamber decorated
like a charnel house? Horrible as the sensation of death is, as his
iron gropings are stealing round my heart, there is yet to me a
sight more hideous, and which I thank God I shall be spared
witnessing—‘when the dead shall bury the dead!’
"Mrs Mucklewham broke frae my weak hand—wrenched open his locked
teeth, and emptied the hale contents down his throat—grunds an'a’—o’
his ‘quatenin’ draught ;’ I felt myself a’ ‘ug’, as I saw his teeth
gnash thegither, an’ his lips close in quateness for ever.
"I gaed out wi’ the mortclaith ; I saw the gathering; I was present
when the bread an’ dram service were waiting for the grace :—"Try
ye’t, John,’ quo’ ane. ‘ Begin yersel; ye’re dead sweer,’
quo'anither ; when I heard ane break down an’ auld prayer into twa
blessin’s. Some were crackin’ about the rise o’ oats; some about the
fa’ o’ hay. His bit callans were there in rowth o’ claith; auld
elbows of coats mak gude breek-knees for bairns. I saw the coffin
carried out to the hearse without ane admiring its bonnie
gilding—quite sair and melancholy to see ! I saw the bedral bodies,
wi’ their light-coloured gravats, an'rusty black cowls, stufting
their wide pouches—maist pitifu’, I thought, to behold. Then I saw
the house-servants, wha had drunk deepest o’ the cup o’ woe; till
sae mista’en were their notions o’ sorrow, that they were just by
the conception o'the mind o’ man. Then there was sic a clanjamphry
o’ beggars ; some praising the laird for virtues that they wha
kenned him kent they were failings in him ; an’ ithers were cracking
o’ familiarities wi’ him, that might hae been painful to his nearest
o’ kin to hear : there was but srna’ grief when they first gathered
; but when they learned there was nae awmous for them, I trow ony
tears that were shed at the burial were o’ their drappin’.
"There was the witless idewit Jock Murra, mair mournfu’ to see than
a'that was sad there ; when just as the hearse began to move on, he
liltit up a rantin’ sang--
‘Mony an awmous I’ve
got.’
I lookit round me when the company began to move on frae the house
wi’ the hearse ; but as I shall answer, sir, there wasna ae face
that lookit sad but might as well hae smiled; the vera look o’t, in
a Christian land, broucht the saut tears gushing frae my ain auld
dry withered ee !
"In compliance with the friends’ request, as it was a lang road to
come back, his will had been read afore the interment when sae
rnuckle was left to ae hospital, an’ sae muckle to anither, as if
the only gude he had ever done was reserved for the day o’ his
burial; or like ane wha delays his letter till after the mail shuts,
and then pays thrice the sum to overtake the coach. It was the
certainty o’ thae things that made it the maist mournfu’ plantin’ I
e’er made; an’ I threw the yird on him, as he was let down by
stranger hands (for the friends excused themselves frae gaun ony
farther, after they had heard his will), and happit him up, wi’ a
heavier heart than on the morning when I took my ain wifie frace my
side, an’ laid her in the clay.—You’ll excuse me, sir; here’s
‘success to trade !"’--“The Auld Kirk Yard.”