SEARCH RESULTS Sort by : Article Name Oldest Article Newest Article Votes Rating  A Canny Scot A Scotsman named Angus walked into a bank in London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to the US on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 1,000 pounds. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Angus hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, he has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's... Category Humour Visitor Rating (6)  A Texan in the Scottish Highlands Alasdair had a wee croft in the Scottish Highlands with a few cows, pigs and chickens as well as some barley. Alasdair was leaning on his spade outside of his byre having just mucked it out. Along the narrow road comes a large shiny Cadillac driven by a gentleman wearing a cowboy hat. The grand car stops across from Alasdair and the driver yells out, “Hey, does y’all work here?” in a strong American accent. Alasdair looks around puzzled and replies, “Nay, it’s just me here.” The... Category Humour Visitor Rating (0)  Gie's a push! GIE'S A PUSH! Angus and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud banging at the front door of their croft. Angus gets up and goes to the door where there is a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain. “Can you gie’s a push?” he asks in a slurred voice.  “Not a chance, you drunken git!” says Angus, “it’s 3:00 in the morning!” “Call the AA”, and he slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some old drunken sod asking for a... Category Humour Visitor Rating (1)  Native American Joke For explaination to Non-Native American readers: aaaa (long a) is a slang word or expression used by probably all tribes and its meaning fis many different circumstances.  It could mean, "I'm joking,"  or "I don't really mean this,"  or "this is unbelievable,"  and probably more situations ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime. Joke:  There were dogs on both side of the road which goes through the reservation.  On the right side were reservation... Category Humour Visitor Rating (1)  One Acre Dirt Farm August 19, 2008     There’s a wafting of cool air blowing gently through my window at this late hour.  Today was a kind of loss for me.  My brother called as he often does just to check on the goings on in this town.  I love to hear from him.  He has no sympathy for my gripes and it always picks me up, some way.     “I need a few days to  rest,” I moaned.     “Don’t feel a bit sorry for you,” he... Category Humour Visitor Rating (0)  Rapid Police Response How to get rapid action from the police in rural Scotland:Jock Mackenzie lived on a wee croft just outside of Alness. One night as he was going up to bed, his wife complained to him that he'd left the light on in the shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. Jock opened the back door to go out to the shed to turn off the light but saw that there were villains in his shed stealing things.  He dialled 999 to get the police, identified himself and reported what he had... Category Humour Visitor Rating (4)  Scottish Delivery In the back woods of Scotland, Ian's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high Ian so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there Ian!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come yet." Sure enough, within minutes... Category Humour Visitor Rating (3)  Scottish Humour Jamie Forsyth called his son, Billy, in London and said, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about," Billy screamed."We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," Jamie said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister, Sue, in Paris and tell her." Then he hung up.Frantic, Billy called Sue, who exploded on the phone,... Category Humour Visitor Rating (2)  Scottish Senior dating Fiona and Edna, two "senior" Scottish widows, are talking. Fiona: "That nice Angus MacDonald asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my flat punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a big posh car...A limousine, uniformed... Category Humour Visitor Rating (2)  The Brickie Today we bring you a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsleter of the English equivalent of the Workers Compensations Board. "Dear Sir: I am writing in response to your request for additional information on the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust that the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was... Category Humour Visitor Rating (3)